081313 #human I think I've realized one thing that is troubling me; the rusty nail of why I didn't leave as ebullient as usual, all self-fulfillment aside: It's as if we've set up a dichotomy between "creative" and "concrete," and the teh-dsa part of me is afraid of being un-hypnotized, drawn out of the place where it is safe, told it can't live anymore because it's not practical and doesn't do any work and is basically useless. It's like a kid who can't understand why the adults can't understand why all their calming words about compromise and how it will all be okay if he just doesn't get to do things his way are actually scary and creepy and just zombie-dead wrong!