000094 #human there is a downward spiraling pull, that we talked of in porter's class. ray carver fought it and, apparently with the help of tess gallagher, won. i can feel it pulling me. ME, of all people! jus goes to show you how it works. you don't wanna believe it can work, so you never quite pay full frontal attention to it, while it sweetly eats away your soul. you smoke dope and get codependent with your best friend and think of future things anything but the present in order to distract yourself from this tragedy, but it ain't gonna help. you direct your concern the wrong way: "Why am I smoking dope" instead of "Why am I giving up?"