082213 #human #treefrog Okay, it's happening. It's happening RIGHT NOW. I have sat here in the dark lit by the glowing screen and I have been just quiet enough for the creature to approach. The being of avoidance is sitting in my back yard, watching, waiting, and it was awakened and drawn here by my day at the school I worked at today. Someone on the Internet said, "Most schools have at LEAST a few teachers who teach critical thinking, even in the worst inner-city high schools. Critical thinking is a choice," and I said right on, brother, we do manage to sneak in there, and then I thought, wait, *we*? Who the fuck am I? I already quit! And I'm thinking back to my day of discomfort shot through with moments of nobility, and I'm having a drink and eating some chips, and even though I'm also lifting some weights, I have to ask myself, what am I avoiding. What am I feeling like I'm having to soothe myself and recover from. And I have to know at least part of the answer. And the next question is, how do I NOT quit? And do I care or do I not care? Do I care about only my own problems, are they so vast that I can't see around them? Do I expect heartrending sympathy for my struggles, but for everyone else's do I just want to get my check and go home? And if I'm not going to quit (our questions imply their answers), then I think it's getting to be really important *HOW* I'm not going to quit. It has to be challenging yet sustainable,