090207 #eel my gay self is stalking me. he's pale, scrawny, nerddy, half-retarded, and sullen. He has shit-stained tighty whiteys. He's tenacious; he followed me all the way to Barbados where I was trying to vacation with my wife and my rational self. My rational self watched helplessly as my gay self climbed into the white enamel, claw-foot bathtub in the middle of the apartment where we were staying (I don't know where my wife was; off having fun in the sun I think)--but hey! I said before he got in there. Wash your damned underwear. Wash your ass. There's no way I'm even going to think about touching you unless you get cleaned up. Okay, my gay self said. The tub was so full it almost spilled over when he lay back in it. Yourself and I are going to do it now, he said to my rational self, who didn't quite believe it, didn't want to believe it, didn't want to believe I would betray him just like that, after all this time.