000000 #elephant you WISH you were hopelessly aroused. you wish you were in agony over your wife but you're not. Frankly, you don't really care whom she fucks. you remember what it's like to feel that jealousy creep up over you, arising out of your crazy-airplane-sick gut, licking at your loins, tingling up your torso like poison termites. To feel your sense of identity waver, then shudder, then implode with a pathetic little pop when she says those three perfect words every lover wants to hear: "I fucked him." And it was great. She had the most amazing fucking orgasm of her life. And it wasn't from you. So you hated her. And you hated yourself. And you really really really still wanted to crawl back to her on your pasty little hands and knees and beg her to still let you fuck her. That's what you wanted more than anything else. To do whatever it would take to make this gorgeous, cruel, smiling creature continue to bother to use you for cheap laughs. You will always come back to her any time she calls you back. She has shown what she is capable of, and from now on, she is just a little bit ahead of you. She will always have the upper hand, because you didn't walk away that night she said, "I think I want to have sex with other people," because you didn't laugh in her face, or yell in her face, or tell her to go to hell and storm out, because you meekly laughed that little laugh you have, and talked with her about it, and it doesn't even matter what you said because her mind was already made up. In fact, her eye was probably already roving over the bar, while you were still prattling away about how change is probably a good thing usually, but you're not sure, but then again, what the hell and so on and so forth with your sick little gut and stiff stupid little dick. She was perfect and you know it, and she finally got tired of you. She finally turned her laughing iron gaze away from you, because you couldn't keep up. You broke the rules. You got married--to someone else! And to punish you, your princess is withholding her torments. She has called your ridiculous bluff and left you to be happy in your own little life. And you try to pretend--you even strap on silly plastic toys--that your wife is your one true mistress. You got kicked out of hell, and you miss it.