081413 #human funny how calling something into the light repeatedly can have such an effect on how you see it, how you feel it. I think I glimpsed a little something of the avoidance of alcohol tonight. For a moment, I saw a facet of it heretofore hidden. Whereas it had been a highly pleasurable *thing*, I saw it in old-hag-dropped-illusion form, and it looked like a mechanical masturbation machine made of pus-filled roaches. I mean, not exactly, but you get what I'm saying? For a moment there, the "high" appeared spurious. Why? I think it's because I'm getting a better vision of the alternative. The thing I've been avoiding, my own personal godbody, really is better and harder to see from day to day when you've studied the spell of invisibility and seeled the scales on your eyes for so long. And here's the thing: here's why the alcohol (and its equivalents) can be so seductive. The other thing, because it's *real,* comes with no guarantee. Alcohol does. Alcohol therefore represents total power. And only the weak lust after total power.