062913 #martian 1. Dad said I dug the postholes really fast, and that was nice. 2. Took Celi into town in the old truck to buy concrete, and that felt extremely, I mean almost unreasonably fantastically nice. Physicality--I held the door at the hardware store for some girls, and the one said, "*Thank* you," and in my mind I was like, "Thank *you*," and I just realized again, a couple of days after staring around the shop at Leo's auto body and recognizing something from Alvin and those days, that I really am a physical being and that's one big reason why I am not an English teacher, and there's more to it than that (isn't there always) like the popcorn that Celi and I had that the hardware store guy gave us, and the half price on the open bags of concrete, and me winking at her and her winking at me, and the old truck and the open windows and the no radio and the clouds and the pines and the dust and the vague residue of last night's dreams 3. Lots of hardcore erotic dreams, some featuring Ann and the powerful cuckold dynamic. I am giving up on trying to cure that. I don't think it needs to be or should be my ONLY source of physical pleasure, but it is a part of who I am and I'm okay with that. I'm bi, poly, cuck, whatever. Pirate.