000096 #squirrel and it was because i knew at some level even though the efect of the drug was such that it didnt consciously occuyr to me till myuch later, i knew that it was going to wwear off and that i was going to miss it, not that it was going to wear off and i was going to say oh how stupid i was i was just on a drug and wasnt that fun, but that when it wore off, i was actually, physically, emoptionally, spiritually going to feel this hurt,m this empitness thais oh shit, fuck it isnt like that forever, and even though i rationally knew it at the outset