110000 #human i can't stand staring into this thing any longer and it doesn't help and it tastes like a chalky, bitter prescription from a short-haired evil doctor who doesn't know me and only wants to touch my mama but she's oblivious and sticks me back in the hot-leather-smelling Lincoln and we drive away with the windows sealed up til I can feel them squeezing my neck like the turtleneck she made me wear and i can hardly breathe and the air conditioner's on and it makes the air syruppy and the streets outside hiss silently and i give up and plop back into the leather seat and it slowly slowly sucks me down in in in in in in in into another world and i wake up in that world not quite knowing what's wrong with me, just knowing something's wrong and i wake up in pajamas in the brilliant outdoors, surrounded by trees and bright green leaves reflecting marbled sunlight and there are birds twittering about and moss and rocks and i get out of my straw pile, stretch, dust off my pajamas, and think, what about a quest? somebody said there was something about a quest, but all i have is my pajamas, not even a knife or a wallet or a pair of shoes, and little nemo flashes through my head but i immediately let that thought go because who wants to be so helpless. who? who wants to be helpless? and the quest ends there because i haven't the strength to conjure any animals, friends, or enemies, and so i just stand there, blinking, in the sun until the sun starts to fade and right before it goes completely dark i have a flash of pain in my heart like, i could have done something here in this world, if i had only wanted to, or been awake enough, or had some energy, or not fallen into the leather car seat trap, i could have maybe done something, gone somewhere, and now it is too too late and i will never ever get another chance and here comes oblivion thank god but it is oblivion unearned and so i will not feel like celebrating the nothingness, the resting will be stickysweet and make my stomach hurt and i will not be solid nor thumped on the back by other warriors, no one will know who i was or what i did, and that, friends, is hell. i feel i could go thru reams and reams and reams and never really get what it is that is bugging me, that's all. and this isn't helping. what will? do i hafta let go of something? because i'm not very good at letting go of things.