121513 #human stressing about christmas, fucking xmas god fuck it. you know you don't have to live up to the hype, but it's so so so so so hard not to don't even have a tree yet we won't go without, thanks to loving parents, but good god i'm remembering that funereal inter-sibling gift exchange last year. Do they remember that? Megan especially seemed so depressed by the whole thing. Sad little packages poorly wrapped exchanged listlessly in the absence of the glorious tree flooded by glitz and packages that is supposed to mean America supposed to represent the success you're supposed to have when you're my age and have as many kids as I have and don't have an excuse There's that horrible language I use on myself again, again I ask, where's that coming from? I think it's pretty simple. It's coming from I DON'T HAVE A REAL FUCKING SOURCE OF DECENT INCOME. Oh yeah, that. Are they going to want to give each other gifts this year? Or will we be spared the pathos of that? Aren't real parents supposed to have gone out shopping and come back with packages? If I take them to Half Price Books, will that be good enough? Is the percussion of my fingers on the keys doing any good? Making me feel any better, a little rhythmic? But is it answering any of these questions? Holidays make you real fucking vulnerable, and if you're not ready for that, man, anything can happen.