#meerkat Later a middle-aged meerkat sipping coffee at the pre-dawn kitchen table, truly in love with life, with men and women, with his own kids spawned from the loins of a roving female who then tried to eat them. 041902 #eel The first time it was just a glimpse, and I wasn't sure it hadn't just been a notion. The second time I stopped and studied, knowing the mirror was telling me something true. 090913 #hotel I'll go find the ice machine. You see if any good movies are on. Look how the city lights bleep sienna beyond this massive window that doesn't open. Draw the blackout curtain and come to bed. Tomorrow it's back to the driving obligations of self-conscious joy. 040513 #squirrel and you know its constantly i mean every day is filled with a series of choices and its just like putting your other shoe on first when you always done it another way its gonna take while for me to dig in and peel away and get back in there to the root of myself we do amazing things as humans to insulate ourselves from harm and so now im making diffrent choices im choosing to sit here and tell you all this stuff 070913 #human Lang called. Apparently the other lawyer screwed up and didn't get the MSA to her to sign soon enough, and the prison screwed up and failed to get her on videoconference. Lang assures me that she's not avoiding/obstructing on purpose, but then he doesn't know her. In any case, no amount of hyperbole could describe the incompetency I've witnessed thru this process, so I won't even try. Resched 8/28 to sign in person. 030004 #human That could be Taelin over there at that table of geeky gamers. In a white sleeveless ribbed cotton T. Because he never got any older, after we parted ways, of course. He was always a little older than me and now he's a little younger. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. 112413 #human #fox The 10 years was really a microcosm of the whole thing. If the words are the tenuous tenacious thread that got me through the disastrous marriage, with all its fears and failures, then the words are also the thread that is getting me through this--life. 110613 #squirrel #fox #squirrel #fox It's all the same fucking magic, man. It's like having kids. Their most banal nose-pick is suffused with life force. So is a screaming match, so is an injury, so is a victory. So is a bedtime story. You can't self edit those either. 082813 #human The misery was still there, the haunted haunting was still there, it was all of course still there, but as I look back thru the DAYS, it kinda seems like parts of 2004 were some kind of high point. Before it all slowly started to circle the piss-colored light of the outdoor gas station shitter, before it turned into a killed bug. 082613 #crow I need to practice things I think I already know how to do. 010714 #human #robot What if I were to embrace the limitations. Quit, I mean quit cold turkey even though I don't have to and it's cheap & it's legal not to, the obsessive twiddling with software. It's incredible how much energy I have spent the last few days trying to make the ultimate decision about the ultimate writing program, when almost every single application on this or any other computer would more than suffice. 000001 #human Maybe I'm just afraid to sit by the peacenik gym-class failures, for fear of public censure. It takes a lot to overcome that fear in me: either an intense desire not to participate in gym class, or an even more intense desire to participate in something else. 092611 #human I'm so in love right now. I'm looking at her golden, glowing picture with red lips. She's smiling on me. I think I really had all but given up on feeling anything like this ever again. The relief I feel is a plump, gushing brook after a thunderstorm. A great weight has flown from the space between my shoulders. I am a girl, I am naked, I am oiled and sunlit. I am utterly helpless and free falling into perfect trust. 010314 #warmglowbox #glow-worms #mistress #gull Attention please, ladies and gentlemen, we have a new species in the cuboid. It is in many ways the perfect device. Reports however are coming in from some of the lower decks that there is something dangerous about it. Seductive, they're saying. We can't help wondering then why the creators of the universe chose to buy us one. Maybe the salesperson was just really that good. 000096 #human So I guess what I'm saying is, the only reason to work hard at any job is that it either pays the rent, or it pays the Rent. And I am not yet ready to give up the writing as doing either or both of those in some way. In the meantime I have often distracted and consoled myself with the specious rewards of strokes, attention, masturbation, etcetera--not that those are all evil, but they are not really enough. 081413 #worm Old Wuwan puts a move on Pynd; she's drunk but not that drunk: she keeps her rain hat on. They sweat together inside her tent. Another half-upside-down-in-the-rain love child starts to think about what kind of music it's going to like best. Gugyg and Prus play jealous marching music on the outside of the tent flap. A lightning bug dies brightly against someone's astonished calf. June bugs don't know what month it is. 081013 #dog *HIM, HER, and ME look at each other. Or, to be more precise, HER looks back and forth between HIM and ME, checking for signs. HIM looks at HER for an instant, which is all he can stand because of the sunken feeling in his traitorous gut, then stares at the volcano. ME fixes his gaze on a freckle on the side of HER's perfect, wet nose. Good god, everything depends on that one cute little dot on her nose, he knows.* 030004 #human After all, the Npydyuanese (sometimes transcribed "pYdyuaneis") have a saying: "The same spit that sticks the glue sticks the paper without any glue, in a preparatory stance." What the fuck? 042202 #eel I was taking a shower with three other men, all related to me and all of different generations. Two of them had boxer briefs like mine, and the one who had some other kind of underwear got made fun of. 081813 #treefrog Kids, many of them, just don't know how to act normal. Teachers, many of us, have this big agenda of shattering the constraints of self-imposed mediocrity, but often we're teaching to THEM what we need to be learning OURSELVES. We're the ones who act too normal, because we've learned too thoroughly how. We're the ones who have internalized all the niceties of expected social interactivity, for better and for worse. 010314 #jonquil She went first to the laundry room, where Bozo tried to make love to her ankles. She threw one of his nasty rubber bones into a corner to get him off her, and proceeded to heave the wet clothes from the enormous washer into the equally cavernous dryer. She threw in the exact right amounts of detergent and fabric softener, and set the dials on exactly the right settings. The basket of already clean clothes was overflowing, so she picked it up and carried it through the spacious kitchen, dining room, open sitting room, and back hallway to the master bedroom, where there was never anyone around when Gwen was here, but where she could always smell and sense the recent nearness of the rich girl's parents. It was almost too personal, and smelled like cologne, skin, and sleep. She sat on the firm, memory-foam edge of the king-sized bed, and started folding laundry. 081613 #worm The dock is calling. Sunlight penetrates the top two feet or so of green. Tiny bits of moss and duck shit hang suspended, given an earthly glow by that celestial intelligence. If there are any fish down there, they're not coming up where we can see them. But then—and I feel a little foolish for just now realizing this—that's the whole point of fishing, sometimes, isn't it? We make duck tracks on the invisible water. 120913 #human #robot I know I've said it before, but these are the new index cards. It's fucking astonishing. To think about it. After all this time, all these false starts, I'm actually back to what, 1998? 7? Not sure. Whatevs. Point is: type, stop, new, kerchunk, kerchunk, kerchunk, worry about it later. A very thick book with many small pages. Only now the structure is latent. It's not different, just better. Jay Kay. 010314 #jonquil It was really too cool for the dress, but probably later on today it would feel just right. She stepped over each of the cracks in the concrete of the walkway down to the sidewalk, paused by the \*\*\*\* tree with its massive ancient lightning scar, took a big, burning-leaf-flavored breath (must be old whatsisname playing with his burn pile again, she thought), and turned east toward the rich goth girl's house. 000097 #worm I guess Helena got naked, but maybe not. I don't really remember. The main pool was the biggest and lowest. But the problem was, if you just sat there, eventually you would get cold. So me and the short witch and this labrador dog that jingled alongside us made a pilgrimage to the high pool. It was steep, snowy switchbacks, and we were winded by the time we got there, wearing nothing but sandals. It was worth it. 081613 #worm You pop a chocolate eyeball into your mouth. Everything has changed. With his little confession, he has eliminated your fear. There's that love again, that strange little word that for as long as you can remember has represented surrender—and none of it yours. 083013 #treefrog 110810. Watching the squirrels. She laughs again. Between each letter of the word she spells for him, she makes a wet sound with her mouth, like she's been sucking on candy. Suddenly I think about butterscotch. It is fall, after all. I remember the soft kitten-rasp of tongue on tongue--tasting another human being--how the energy of it sent me up the liquidambar tree. Aromatic resinous balsam. The wood of youth. 081413 #worm #roach The room does one of the things rooms do: it swirls. Fires flare up in the corners of Me's vision. Rocks melt. Salt and pepper dance. The bells on the front door clang viscerally. The wind comes in and out. It's closing time. The Cafe never closes. Right behind Me, leaning on the other side of the mutual backrest of Him and Me's booth and the next booth, a troglodyte named Barp turns around and says, Chicken. 081313 #copperhead Some theater in my brain swiftly auditions potential ways that I might feel now. Horniness flits by, in its autoerotic four-wheel-drive. Desolation lurks around the pit. Thrilling possibility is hiding in the dressing room among the cool, the whispering, the smell of history. Patience is growing bored of its own monologue. And bravery sits in the director's seat, judging us all, demanding more, next, more. 090813 #worm A serpent the vacuum won't suck sits on my floor. He is pulsing spasmodically, sporadically, as if in some great pain. His mouth is working feverishly to try to eke out some particles of sound and light. This, then, is the nature of his malediction: as he asks himself repeatedly, "What is the most logical rational way to catch the nimble rat?" I arch back in my creaky old bentwood chair, point my finger and laugh. 111213 #human Why can't you see me? Why can't you hear what I am saying to myself? 091313 #elephant Oh, luxuriant future, to be assured of another glance at this splendid creature. I would use a thesaurus to write a novel for her. Behind her, a wall of books creates the backdrop of her scenery. On the ragged table, one candle with a tapering flame. She has been smoking. The ashtray looks at home, the crushed butts satisfied. 081313 #copperhead It's hard to explain. People just have different things they get excited about, I guess. I mean, sometimes I think he has this word "nature" in his head and it's just shorthand for a big playground for socially awkward misfits. To me it's more than that. 081613 #worm Oh--elp--are you in jail now? you ask, a wave pattern on your true forehead. You are sexy as a horse. He laughs enough to prove he still kind of thinks you're trustworthy, but everyone present (except a few idiots) realize full well that you're projecting again! 072703 #bunny All I can say for sure is he was a little gruff. Wore three days' stubble like a badge of honor. Was my friend. We drank together. Made up stupid poem phone messages apart but together. When I got home from drinking, utterly alone, his would be the voice on my answering machine (answering machine!) that would say poetry to me without even trying. I was not supposed to be in love with him but I was. 051111 #martian 1. steered a room full of freshmen toward visualising Juliet's vagina 2. kenishia said read between the lines. she's still so grown up and young and vulnerable it makes me sick 3. blessed is this life and i'm going to celebrate being alive 081413 #copperhead What makes that okay? Where's the redemption for realizing, barefaced on a dirty random chunk of earth, full like a tick, that that one time we stuck that one paddle in that one pile of water and pushed, that that was the only time we would ever do that? 081413 #worm And so the night begins. Music comes from everywhere. Remember that, says Rangt; he disappears. The campground takes shape. Territories are staked out, literally. Sleeping arrangements begin to tease some of us with the possibilities of change. To others, the notion of sleep is a warm dog; a common homecoming, at last, again, to the one whose constant affection, after the callous days of our absence, we scarcely deserve. 081413 #worm Me wakes up on the floor in Barp's spare bedroom, with the little boy's sadness still stuck all over him. The filth of his clothes is cold. He absolutely cannot stand to be cold another minute. He lurches out into the hall, tries doors until he finds the bathroom. 081413 #worm I cried in front of you because some iceberg shard inside me knew I could; because it was okay, not because I was trying to get your attention or manipulate you. I came to be here because you pushed the button. You and I are both weavers. And we're both poisonous. 081413 #worm The roller coaster whips him upside down, and hangs there, malfunctioning horribly. The confidence engendered by the night and by her breasts, is now by those selfsame agents mauled, and left to mewl pitifully, as Krim advances slowly into the open, thrumming room. 081413 #worm Him agrees. The problem is that the heavy metal lid on the dumpster into which they've dived to get out of the wind, is wedged shut tight. It's dark in here, and really not much warmer anyway than it was out there, and now it looks as though Him and Me are fucked. 081813 #treefrog Yes, the admin, the other teachers, so-called adults can have many worthy travel tips and helps for you on your way. But the ones who really know what's going on, the true judges, fucked up, capricious, and lightheartedly cruel as they may be, are the kids. 081013 #dog *The lake turns bruised and turgid. It swirls covertly. It masks the sky with little ripples of doomed wind. Love hurts. It magnifies every time. HIM is instantly drawn in, so fast he hasn't the time to notice the feeling of being sucked . . . yet. When the maelstrom is over, HIM is deposited on the cement steps in front of the laundromat, back in his own age. In his hand is a report card. He looks at it, then reads:* 110613 #squirrel #fox ... the story, or the experience of uncovering it, or the effect that being in an ongoing relationship with it has on your life [#], has to be allowed to be more important than the attachment to what has already been written or the immediate pleasure response of having something to show your spouse or partner or self or whoever or the self control oriented toward repeating a pleasurable success... 081613 #worm For the first few days, it was a source of entertainment. I'd go sit on a big pumpkin and just watch. The weather was nice. I'd watch the little interactions among the brick stackers, the outliners, the caulkers, the levellers, the servers--it was all a big TV show, plenty of tragedy, plenty of laughs. I figured they'd get tired of it, see how ridiculous the whole project was after a week or so. That's how they are. 081613 #worm You notice you say "I love you," not "I loved you." It's not parallel with the conditional mood (is it?) and yet it is just exactly what you wanted to say at that time. It's thinking like that that got you stuck in jail in the first place, you hose! Slp er igh. 110301 #eel I'm apart from the others now but still connected. A little girl approaches me. White dresslike thing on. Blonde hair a little mussed, almost to her shoulders. Pale skin, light eyes, eyebrows high, face a little sad but not despondent. She hands me some things: 081913 #trout Into the apartment at the end of the hall he goes, shucking coats and layers with a sort of frenzied efficiency. They fall away, fall on the bed. He picks up the phone, picks out the number from that front room of his memory, the little room with the door always open. The number comes pouring out, slides down his arm to the phone before he can think about it, bathes the phone in the delighted flow of its pattern. 090813 #worm The rain has almost stopped; a few drops are whipped by the remaining wind, and fog shreds itself on the pointy tops of the tallest buildings, off to my left downtown, as I drive home, windshield wipers stating the obvious in two-four time. 081613 #worm So anyway, as I was saying, it's poetry night here, which mostly means we have a bunch of tea, get sopping pissed, and try to elocute as long as we can before the guards come and laugh at us and make us wear flowered dresses. Phone rings. 090811 #martian - Not doing work may have started as a sacred space, but it turned into a big fat cow. - I am chopping up some of that cow, and turning it into energy. - This guy at Mcdonald's just brushed my shoe with a rancid nasty old mop. 081413 #worm Ella and Ltiky are the next arrivals. Neither one is leading the other on a leash, but the look in the eyes of one of them, and what the look does to the look in the eyes of the other one, pretty much renders the use of a leash redundant. 120813 #human #lovers Just cuz you're madly in love with someone or something or life itself, doesn't mean everything's perfect and just so. But it does mean things are generally bearable, and you want to keep doing stuff. Despite the shitty parts. 091313 #worm I didn't think it, I felt it, and furthermore I didn't think it, I felt it, and furthermore I didn't think it, I felt it, and furthermore I didn't think it, I felt it, and furthermore I didn't think I even felt it. I had a long way to go. 120713 #human #controlroom #fox If I could get my body to be underneath my mind--if my body could be a stoker, have my mind's back--the energy would be where I need it when I need it. Instead of eating three fifths of a pizza and running away. 101112 #human I wish I wasn't a thousand years old and my hands didn't look exactly like my dad's. I wish my index finger was longer than my ring finger and that I felt attractive to the men I want to attract. Of course, I haven't yet proven that I'm not.... 081213 #centralsea sitting here watching this kind of interesting play i transform the theatre into a phosphorescent chamber on the way to the center of the earth. lightning arcs wanly overhead as the great water stretches away into the unknown 000001 #human simply to do it, to inhale and exhale, is, after all, the peak experience, enlightenment attained but usually ignored, hurried past, run through as heedlessly and clumsily as this sentence runs on through the blissful purity of a snow-white page. 031001 #eel i have all these candles up here, but nothing to light them with. this is the only magic i know. this is magic. i am making my room okay. and i am leaving a part of the door open for now for further dreams, good and bad, as needed. okay. okay. 212005 012214 #icoul Be not afraid. This animal *can* and *does* give advice. Is the animal itself, or is it a spaceship? Is the vessel the intelligence? Is the prism the observer? Is this a form of meditation or a complicated drink of watery tea? 213023 213147 012214 #human #treefrog Tomorrow should be interesting, if nothing else. Going down into Milwaukee to do a special ed gig at that horrid Academy. This has all got to be adding up to something. *What's the puzzle piece I keep overlooking?* 000001 #human I guess she was simply saying, Will you please assuage my helplessness by joining me in it? It seems the only things human beings can really do for each other, the only things sometimes that are meaningful at all, are the utterly meaningless. 091313 #trout The bastard who was driving gets out and clubs me in the head with something frozen and heavy. As I am getting good and groggy (but still in love! still in love!), he jellyfishes me into the back seat. Slam. Slam. Squeal. And we're off. 000000 #human everything's vivid but dark; like the lighting in a dismal, furry theatre tucked somewhere in a corner off an alley off an alley off an alley off the corner of a tube-lit custard-stand in the blazing midnight of an asteroid that does not exist. 081013 #dog [it is too late. the lion comes. he devours us, starting with our tender limbs and working, masticating, growling, towards our squishy, precious innards. we will have to put ourselves back together come the morning. no wonder it always hurts....] 081613 #worm I say If I did got any, I ain't given em up to a krainch like you, but I'm just kidding and she knows it, and she knows I know she knows it, so it's all right, even though I don't get to slap nobody's else's ass on account a all this tim-fuckery. 000096 #squirrel no not enough, i just want to say, as far ass the part about choosing to sit here with me is concrened, thank you. because it really means a lot to me. you are part of my home thanks i bow my head and hold my heartin gratitude 081313 #gull Even though eels are among the most recently added species, their logical content is among the oldest. Of course, gauging the age of psychic content is a bit trickier, but I'd say pigeons still pretty much rule the roost as far as that goes. 030401 #human In the end, it's pure weirdness that survives. When I was a child, I made Collections of Weird Things. I threw a lot of stuff away. I typed because it was quietly thrilling to do so, because Plain life was unutterably boring without it. 010314 #jonquil Gwen sighed as heavily as she could without being too audible, and followed the principal to her office. People weren't staring. That was not a good sign. When they conspicuously didn't stare, that's when you knew there would be talking. 000001 #eel I convince him to join, caution him we suck compared to other groups. He kisses me then, my breath hisses, brain electrifies, heart races! He is the only thing to hold onto but it is he I am falling into! I notice he has gold earrings. 010314 #jonquil Gwen. The voice had the too-friendly saccharine mixed with self-conscious nobility of purpose that could only belong to one person. Gwen honey, I need to talk to you for just a minute. I'll let your teacher know and give you a pass. 000096 #squirrel i weant to be able sometimes to control the flow hm of where this goes we cant of the places that we travel i cant and that is such a humbnling experience and it takes so fucking much faith yep. that faith thing again 090101 #eel There had been something scary in the basement when I was looking for my shoes. I looked back at the woodbox-alcoves at the other end as I was heading for the stairs, saying, firmly as to try to dispel my own quavering, "I know you . . . ." 000096 #squirrel mmm. hmmm. hmmm. why all this hmmming i am just uh hmmm. haha just being in my body. whats it like mmm. very soft very warm how about sweet? very sweet thought so and very liquid. thought so 120313 #snail #fox Nice dark ribbon. Tired of being a fake 'professional' wearing somebody else's shoes & pants. Time to learn how to tell stories to create image of self capable of maintaining conduit with outside world in various ways. Fiction≠fake. 091413 #elephant His sperm smells like shame and he doesn't know it yet, but he's going to lap it up, and he's going to be looking for those girls' smiles for the rest of his life, and he's never going to find them again--until it's just about too late. 091313 #trout #roach There is a rising murmur toward the front of the cafe, where the man has pushed dishes and salt shakers, napkin holders and table tents aside, and climbed with his great thighs and waffle-treaded boots right up onto the counter. 000001 #human I know, I know, you can't love your job all the time. But I just want one in which I can: Work at home Work my own schedule Go out and meet people sometimes Travel occasionally Make enough to get by Feel like I'm paying for the space I take up. 081413 #worm And they do get a bigger house in the city, with a nice backyard and a garage and everything. And she does plant all the seeds. But only the forget-me-nots come up and flourish. Something in the soil? Too much rain, or not enough? Who knows. 081313 #copperhead How can we revisit and clarify the geography of the put-in point? Cuz your convoluted directions don't make it clear whether he's approaching along *this* river or a different one, and if it's this one, whether it's from upstream or down. 052913 #human Humid. Printer just made a noise. Tera bolted thru as I opened the screen a catswidth. Pure huntress. Diana. Savage. Amoral. Wish I had a drink to keep me fat lazy and sedate. On edge. Humor burnt. Poor. Bored & boring. This can change. 111813 #beach #squirrel Okay, it's not going to stop. Sometimes swirly motions don't; at least not for aeons. I've really been waiting for the cessation of the constipating urge to "write" a response, so that I can maybe, actually answer the question. 081013 #dog [finally just laughs. He can laugh for a full five minutes or an hour if you want. Hell, fuck it. Let him laugh all god damn year. I don't care. The leaves will still change. I'll still be going home. It's still tomorrow, and it's still raining] 052113 #trout "And would you be the lucky number thirteen?" The sandwich bear asked. "I am," I said, handing him the card. A transaction of kindness. He returned in a moment and brought me some napkins— "just in case." I didn't even have to ask. 082302 #eel I said, "Erin," just to be sure I was correct about who she was, and she rolled over on her side and gave me a desultory "Yeah?" Did you ever come to Columbia and meet a girl named Rachel? "I don't know, I don't remember." No, why would you. 090813 #finch #moonwalker Latticework of moonlight on your hot gleaming chest, the stubble of you, stout against my tongue, the woods, the path, all our collected legends, dust beneath my soft leather boots 091313 #elephant Her face is like benevolent pain killers. I could literally look at it all day, but I let my gaze wander. Her ethereal form is draped in a cloudlike mist of pink nightgown. Her lips match the color of it. They look like sugar. Oh god. 101313 #dolphin Bottlenose dolphins have been found to have signature whistles, a whistle that is unique to a specific individual. These whistles are used in their communication to identify an individual. It can be seen as the dolphin equivalent of a name. 080413 #human They've just really gone too far with making "computing" "easy." They've built so many features and assumptions in, it's gone past the point of user-friendly and into the realm of user-condescending. That's why I'd rather drive a truck. 081613 #worm Shut up, bitch. You commence the pacing around of him. Your boot heels (where'd you get those? I want a pair. Oh yeah. As if my stout thighs would ever be bludgeoned into that svelte a leather strait!) click his pain onto the damn floor. 000097 #human I went and opened the door for him and called ki-ki-ki-kitty, Dragon, he mewed once, and came down the stairs, and trotted inside, where the dog immediately gave chase, and then he ran right to the bathroom and I assume he is eating there. 082513 #gull An old gray dead rose is tucked behind a bracket next to a ventilation duct up by the ceiling. Lots of prepositional phrases, but no real syntax errors. The sentence is executed. Did the user agent render the image correctly? You tell me. 091313 #elephant She leans forward, and the expression of her breasts within her falling nightgown is identical to that of a mother floating over her child, to give a kiss goodnight. But instead she lights her smoke. She breathes it in, and I go in with it. 213023 012214 #trout I couldn't get out of that place fast enough. The stink of rubber and diesel was Christmas to my nostrils as I let go of the heavy door, heard the plonking of the bells and the scraping of the salt beneath my heavy shoes. 213719 000001 #eel "I was drunk..." he said, and we were all walking down a sidewalk in a small, rustic town. Ominous clouds filled the sky. He was mad about something, and wouldn't let us stop walking even though several tornados were forming all around us. 000002 #human an ambulance driver just walked in here, got halfway up the entryway. his voicebox clacked and he stopped. a voice said, "okay santos, you win," and gave him the address. he turned around with his jaw and left without getting any coffee. 081313 #copperhead The tributary rushes toward the main stream as if it has nothing better to do, as if it can't help it. As if it is pulled by passion, by pure, watery lust, to dump itself into the permanently falling embrace of its downhill future. #gull 081613 #worm Well, the guy's a creep anyway, she concludes. I don't really trust him. So it's no big deal, I guess. Emerging from her nest in the back of the upstairs, she nearly smax the No Smoking sign with her alarmingly moonlit face. 081313 #copperhead He actually stood up in the canoe and said all that. He actually said that as he stood in the bow of the canoe, making the whole thing wobble crazily, holding his paddle above his head like a barbell or a trophy. 081413 #worm Great gobbets of thick foam shoot from the ceiling. More arms appear, this time evil-white-clown-gloved ones, from various positions on the walls, and begin ungently to massage the creamy slop into every available pore on Him. 070704 #eel As I was standing in my place, singing the coros, I looked at the guy next to me who also had his wrists chained together, and I knew we would be getting the chains hammered off us later. Things were beginning to change. 010614 #bushmill His jeans are stiff and loose. They come down around his knees without much tugging. Now his boxers, Mel commands. A strain has entered her voice, a constriction of the throat. A tendon on her neck stands out. 000096 #squirrel ah. i think i thin kyo do what you have been doing what i have been doing which is to vontinue the pattern and feel the inefectivemness of that. until you make a conscious desision to put the shoe on the other foot. 081513 #worm Ltiky's wife drives, not dreaming yet although she feels as though she may as well be. The pines sough by the darkened trapezoids of the windows; their procession becomes almost lurid in the swirl of darkness and halogen. 051111 #martian 1. Every time somebody says "Somebody's musty" today, I wonder if it's me. I think I need to change shirts. 2. Rachel is actually pretty smart. The crazy ones often are. 3. But not, I repeat, NOT always. 081013 #dog *There is a horrible screeching squall, and the train lurches to a halt. Outside the windows, the sunny view of rural America disappears and is replaced by slowly gyrating stars, moons, comets, and mouse heads. What the fuck??* 081613 #worm I lean back. Time to smoke. I'm the king of the armpit, times like these. It ain't my girlfriend. That's the best. The damn best. Like when you got a job but you don't have to go to it yet. The god mother damn very ass best. 090813 #worm world red house first floor kitchen strawberry-blonde wood cabinet top shelf way in the back dented can swimming in green murk one tiny, disquieted pea 081613 #worm Books just right, corset tight, lips soft. It's morning. Time to thrill in the cool quiet dust of this place. Outside begins to warm up. Inside stays cool. This bookstore is the fleshly wound of all her deepest secrets. 090913 #human Make it more like Cael's kitchen! Megan doesn't ALWAYS have to sit down, for instance. You don't ALWAYS have to just keep saying EAT YOUR VEGETABLES. You can let it loose a little bit, I would think. Trust your instincts. 081413 #worm Ltiky licks and he sucks like an owl baby in gaping need. He licks and he sucks, but he cannot clean up the dirt in which the stranger's seed has already been planted. Another child not his own, in its very innocence mocking. 081313 #copperhead (along about 19ish) sometime soon are you going to address how he used to hate the canoe but now doesn't seem to? maybe a dialog episode? and also what about dude's girlfriend/the grocery store. yeah but whatever. 000097 #worm It was like some huge ashtray in a burnt driftwood universe, where before we had been in happy little satyr grassy bouncy land. So we plied across this plain for a long time, looking for the little unmarked dirt turnoff. 110613 #squirrel #fox if you love someone set them free; this applies to your characters or whatever ... Trust that your natural voice has in it or carries along with it the energetic connection to the reality of your characters ... 081613 #martian 1. Twitter, man, that's sweet, bro. Twitter for girls. 2. Weed and cussing is just normal, and to pretend it's not is disingenuous or just plain stupid. 3. That still doesn't excuse my inactivity in this situation. 011914 #robot #deletethis Too bad there's no keyboard shortcut for moving keyboard focus between palette and document. *Or is there?* (Feel free to erase this next time you land on this locus; I'm just fucking around with stuff.) 174859 051111 #martian 1. Do more than you are asked to do. 2. Do things others can't be bothered to do. 3. It was so hot last night. We could hardly sleep. Six sweaty bodies living it out, waiting it out by the red alarm clock. 081613 #worm The pony boys come in and wheel my peurile fantasy away. At the threshold he stops, wipes jiz off his red head with a snot rag, throws the rag to me to smell later, or to stuff in my mouth and pretend it's him gagging me. 011697 #squirrel The restaurant--and town--ran out of food and could get none in. She said they were down to spaghetti in the restaurant by the end of the week when people could finally leave. Part of me is sorry I missed it! 223436 011914 #dragon What if somebody cared? Would it make a difference as to how you squeezed that lime? how you tucked that girl in? what you ate after they're all in bed? what you filled the so-called empty spaces with? 214148 000096 #squirrel but just this remembering that time is you know fuck this just overwhelming feeling of sadness. it was a really bad time i was just dso fucking lost. so sad. you almost sound like you're grieveing for a dead freiend 062613 #human Remember when sex was everywhere? (Thanks pam) I mean, it still is, but then it was just so gobstoppingly bubblegum supersoaker inyourface wet sloppy big and fat and oiled up thighsliding EVERYWHERE. yeah, good times. 081413 #worm Barp stands up and commences to dance. If you've ever seen a polar bear do the Lindy hop while struggling to put on a pair of corduroy pants two and a half sizes too small, you're lucky. You can tell about that at parties. 102513 #gull #ass The Ass [card] currently holds the office of Typo-Mastic General, and as such is the ordinary arbiter and preservationist of Buton-Blatafisj and its many provincial & regional dialects & variants. Go fick yourself. 112413 #human kids make messes: leave faucets dripping, toothpaste on the wall, towels on the floor, shoes on the stairs. meanwhile, liquid, buttery sunshine slides in through the bathroom window, making winter temporarily tolerable 083013 #robot 2010 Normalization of deviance applies to the stalwart march of technology, too ya know. Like, OMG I have to have a text editor that syncs with Dropbox and doesn't force me to type at the bottom of the page. Wait, what? 032208 #eel Now you stretched, dancer-lithe, organic, above me, in glorious, painterly flesh tone, with an elegantly auburn-tinted pubic triangle, and you radiated as I knelt in honest, harmonious submission, to kiss your perfect foot. 032413 #maelstrom food, drink, impulsive purchases, anger, irritability, detachment, attachment, busyness, obsessive tinkering, you name it. 000094 #human Guilt is a lie; it means you're lying to yourself about what you really want. 081413 #worm The Medical Officer and the Science Officer, the dog, don't look at each other. At least not at the same time. The last time they made eye contact was well over a year ago, during the unfortunate incident of the pork chop. 021497 #squirrel dear matt, happy valentine's day honey. you probably won't check your e mail today since you have company, but i just wanted to let you know i was thinking of you. have a fun weekend, love, hearts and flowers, your mum. 081813 #treefrog Capoeira taught me to recognize and admit those moments when I've just let an opportunity go by (and how horribly sinking it feels). THIS is the next level of THAT game. How not to let them go by, at least sometimes. 000002 #human a picture of a perfect sky with one cartoon-perfect cloud a felty field of stars wistful rough-edged rusty old van dollar beer & a shot of smooth whiskey why does coming here and failing to feel good make me so sad? 081413 #worm Could I get some more coffee? The lady--matronly? is that the right word?--serves the grizzly guy at the counter first. As well she should. Then she fills mine, and I wish there were something more I could say than thanks. 000000 #trout #gull she clamps down the hall like half a horse; her teacher heels teacher dress teacher legs ringing throughout this anonymous temple "You will find that liberty is not being set free. It is setting yourself free." 081413 #worm Next door, the young, autumnal girl and the bookseller hear the muffled thuds of the demigod's thrashing tail. The faint, pink towels tremble on their wrought-iron perches. A patch of soap suds slips aside. He goes to her. 122503 #eel She got viscerally disgusted, had to go sit down. I think I'm going to puke! she said. You can't do stuff like that to me! I explained to Art that it was a pregnancy thing. He just looked very closely at her, quietly. 010714 #roach There were still white china mugs in stacks crooked as caterpillars on the counter. I touched one of them lightly with my fingertip as we walked by. It was glossy, smooth, just about what a china mug should feel like. 081413 #worm Me and Him walk on down the stream, but slowly now. The circlets in the water around their ankles now seem chilly, melancholic in the disappearing light. Fewer and fewer fish appear. Something is buzzing in Me's mind. 120913 #crow #fox #captainblackie #jan I believe I can summon the necessary willpower to do this, whatever it turns out to be, and I don't believe I can summon enough to sustain something that I don't love at least a good part of. 000002 #human tonight in the teh-dsa, thieu found little max alone by the barbed wire fence, and thieu picked him up and took him in his arms, and is holding him and staying with him. i sent them a couple of pigeons to cheer them up. 081312 #human I was really irritable today. Twice in the last three days a child has assumed a position of curled up crumpled up retreat. This is horrifying to me. I cannot become a surrogate her. I need help and am seeking it out. 051111 #martian 1. Shaquille really seemed hurt by the scolding he got from Dr. Oliver for disrespecting me. 2. He's like a really big, smooth, scary, wounded kid. 3. I finally get it. How you have to be "mean" to be good. 091413 #trout #roach He can't remember the real definition, from Physics class, of potential energy, but he thinks he's got a pretty good handle on a practical definition. He takes the shortcut through the alley and enters the cafe. 120913 #fox #treefrog Then again, the woman that asked me what I "do now" was clearly disgusted with her 12 years' teaching high school French in Racine, the "second-worst district in the state." So it's not as though I exactly envy her. 111813 #campfire #squirrel #sialia Yes, and coming together at the moment of suspension, arms and shoulders enclosing a microcosmic sea with swells and gentle valleys of its own, a hushed proximity from which all outside sounds recede. 020003 #human But hey you know living in the past is like some kind of sin and all. I still want to find some way to have a sexual human connection in my everyday now. I know it can be done. Otherwise I wouldn't be having these dreams. 000096 #human I AM REACHING A POINT OF DIMINISHING RETURNS--where all this toil after technique, approach, philosophy, style is ALL BECOMING STAGNANT AND FRUSTRATING AND HOLLOW, because it is time I jumped out of the airplane! 081413 #worm She looks at him as one looks at a file cabinet with which one is alone in the office, at night, not quite ready to face what waits for one at home. 010714 #human Dude, what the fuck? Oh fuck it, what am I avoiding? Desperate rains call for desperate glass-smashings. Easter eggs of cacophanous doubt rain down bloody-knuckled all over the medium chai of your stupid face. 081613 #worm Chase them all out. Immediately feel remorse. Mostly because you looked like a fucking idiot in front of the someone's girlfriend. I don't think she trusts me any more. But you'll invite them all back tomorrow. 010314 #jonquil Sweetie, I'm going to meet your father for lunch, okay? Be good. I'll be back in a little bit. They listened to the footfalls retreating, then changing tempo to go down the stairs. The music stopped. 090913 #roach go behind the warped piece of stainless steel go. go in the stall farthest from the door, go right away. go. go? go. go back and get that, go? go outside. go ahead. go. go? go go up, swirl around, disappear. 081413 #worm But not a map in the momentary sense, I mean in the momentary sense but not restricted to a snapshot of a single moment. Things come and go, all the time, whether you're looking at them or not. You know what I mean? 000001 #human Now it's just a matter of getting my god damn bed back, getting my space back, and hopefully next time I'll think thrice before asking someone to move in and help ruin what I'd spent the last two years building up. 082813 #meerkat 051705 New personality test: you scroll down through the pictures. Either your hand will move the current one into your personal folder, or else it won't. There is no other explanation furnished nor required. 050702 #eel I said, look, there's an alternate slide, and to the right was a very smooth, very steep slough going down. It looked as though it ended in danger somehow, but I'm pretty sure we were going to take it anyway. 000096 #squirrel ha. he just spilleed wien on my shirt HE spilled wine? he spilled wine. he doesn't drink. shut up. he did.damn dog. watch yer mouth. i do have to take my shirt off is that some kind of threat? 112013 #festivaldrumschant the women in their finery; opulence surrounding imperfections of skin and shape the men with their ridiculous beards how we run from a group of limes sitting on the countertop; slowly decaying 000002 #human #avocat Remember that: It's never about morals, right or wrong, "freedom," or any of that. It's always about resources. What was that? It's always about resources. Tell me again? It's always about resources. 081413 #worm On second thought, Barp says, an instant before Him's slimy ass makes contact with Barp's hyperplush, hyperwhite, brand-new, hypersectional sofa, maybe you should take a shower first. It's down that hall on the left. 051111 #martian 1. Barack, the President of the United States of America, gave him and her gold, frankincense, and myrrh. 2. I would really like an Old Fashioned right now. 3. Ann's driving on fumes to the gym. 111412 #human Kinda like, are there two of her or one? Is she what she is, or is she what she was plus what she is? (Is anybody?) Is there a third she that she could possibly become? Do I care? For the girls' sake? Really? 031606 #squirrel Have a fabulous time at the WP. Show your girls a great time and teach them how to be Social Change Agents...so they are not asked to stop a conversation in a kareokee bar to say they love America. 010514 #bushmill Pete just looks at me for a while, while Mel drives slowly past a church with a sign out front that says *Tired of being a loser; turn to God.* Finally, he just says, No kid. No I never went to college. 021297 #squirrel well, I'm here! It only took little less than 9 hours. Yuck. Matt is touching dragons butt. grossss!!! i am not are too Gross. So iwjatr are we going to do this weekend? clean the cats butt. 010004 #human don't know if she knew i was looking at her but i just caught her looking at me. Funny thing is how at ease i am, because it's not a big deal. It's nice to interact with humans, no matter how punctuationally. 121813 #robot #trout His nanobots killed him. They almost never do that, of course. Usually they do useful things like show you a blue glow around your own brain, or help you get to sleep, give directions. Things like that. 101002 #human click the assfucked girl's ass to open the journal. coffee in a thermal. stuffed crow intensely focused. feeling the wisp of the dress of anticipation. dick hard through pajama bottoms. up here in the attic. life. 000001 #eel Suddenly they are all facing me expectantly and they are all black. One man says, "Ooooh, a Negro..." and I take his point. I say, "Well, yeah...." It is clear they don't trust me; I must pass unknown tests. 020704 #eel I wore a pink nightie under my woollens to go hiking. I came upon a terraced apartment building. The interior was all bricks and golden light. A personal round balcony, high up over the teeming night. I ached. 081413 #worm Him and Me walk on, shoes wet. Each piece of gravel speaks stories about each train. The rain is in the ground already. Deep within the river, battle-scarred old gar decide, then undecide, sink deeper, disappear. 175434 011914 #robot #glow-worms The cuboid is barely beginning to be "shot thru" with those beautiful, smooth little tube-tunnels like beetles' larvae make. You can slide thru them like a little Mario guy through a pipe. 010414 #human #gracetone #roccity #roomfullof1000voices And who hears my maundering sighs? A single oak on a white plain. Dropping its acorns on a hard smooth surface. They rattle like marbles, and then all is stillness. 081413 #worm #roach But when you swing the institutional-green door back open, the bathroom at Esriel's Cafe has disappeared, replaced by a setting rather more lavish. It's happening again! You emerge into the Snoke. 000094 #human #gull when karen was reading gary snyder in there the other day, i re-realized that when in you're in a poetry groove, everything seems poetry, and then you whittle it down. It's more a choice than a creation. 120912 #human Oh, shit. Oh mother fucking shit. And yet, we fight so hard against the notion of losing this tawdry albatross. Because it drives so much, or so it seems, it drives so much of what we think of as being alive. 081413 #worm Freedom, freedom, freedom, freedom. That's what Tafne says she says to herself with every step, as we walk along. And we do a lot of walking. She must have said that to herself fifty-thousand times today alone. 010314 #jonquil Gwen sat, almost prim, legs crossed, on the edge of the bed. Mary had picked up the silver hairbrush, and was twiddling it around in one hand. She was leaning back on the other hand, against the mattress. 081413 #worm The Aviary thinks it over. How are things? How are the pigeons? How are the stones? The crows? The gulls? The finches? How are the trout? How the hell, exactly, are the cockroaches? Could be worse, it says at last. 000096 #eel Anyway, I asked my brother how it felt to be back, and whether he regretted coming back. And he said, Honestly, frankly, yes, and I said, silently, mouthing the words, I know. And he turned away from me and cried. 012009 #human Obama said: Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America. For everywhere we look, there is work to be done. Millie said: We never stopped working. 040513 #copperhead "Here's to the blessing and the curse," I say. "To the curse and the blessing," he says, and we clunk our mugs together. Just enough coffee spills; just one elongated blob slips over the lip of my mug. 010314 #jonquil There was more astonishment and wonderment waiting upstairs. Once the two girls were both all the way up out of the stairwell, Mary stopped so fast Gwen careened into her. The sudden smell of her hair— 120413 #human #crow Santa Claus is really starting to piss me off. If I'm bold enough to be out as an atheist, I can bloody well exercise my right to tell my kids the truth about that sadistic sugarcoated son of a bitch, too. 081613 #worm Did you know, I ask the social worker, the news scrawler says I'm a martyr? Giggling. Tea smoretimes make you giggle. Giggle up your whole brunch, see if I care. Poetry--ha! It's just a bunch of pigeons swooning. 081313 #copperhead This message begins somewhere in my, I don't know, maybe halfway between my gut and my lower back. It bounces back and forth on rickety telegraph lines between that country and the metropolis of my brain. 102913 #snail But the window is ancient and thin and I shiver once, plus I kind of have to pee and so, before I am ready, I hurl myself off that high dive and get up and make my legs start walking inside their silly blue pants. 081413 #worm Very near, vertiginously near the top of the rectangle, place a star, or a sunburst, or a snowflake--something ethereal and magical. This remote and inviting locus you may label, be you so inclined, the "Aviary." 081313 #copperhead We won't be gone that long, of course. But somehow, after hours and hours of butts glued to those narrow, crudely contoured seats, to walk away always brings a strange sense of finality, of abandonment. 082313 #human Getting rid of the ipad--and specifically not bringing to work any computer device more absorbing than my phone--was one of the best things I've done for my emotional, physical, and probably professional health. 081613 #worm Let me say something about Milt. Milt is kind of a cross between a bear and a pussy. I am absolutely, indefatigably, undeniably, undyingly in love with him. But he will never know! More on that later. Perhaps. 112302 #human How many times have I said, "One more smoke, then I go." It's not a bad thing. It's not all bad. What the hell. Empty shoes with indentations like places leaves fell, decayed, and left their sweet bitterness. 072304 #squirrel Oi Pirata! Man, I am still really stoked on your back hand-spring. That was beautiful, that moment is now added to the list of reasons why I do capoeira. So cool to me. I love it. Inspiring. 110812 010514 #max Scarred, serrated, hacked and beat down by the dull blade of an impoverished city council's ancient lawn mower, the blade of grass half stands, oblivious to the orange light from the Texaco across the street. 082813 #gull 2005 If I knew the declination, I could calibrate it with a preemptive declension. Sometimes you luck out, and incidental trim intersects with declination, cancelling the latter out. That's called insubordination. 081413 #worm Why do you want to live in a place where you don't, strictly speaking, exist? One of the main concerns of people everywhere (where?) is time. And time doesn't exist. So you see, it's a natural phenomenon, this urge 081813 #treefrog The most repeated answer I heard to the "What laws do you believe would help create peace in society" question included curfew, the removal of weapons, freedom of religion, and the removal of George W. Bush. The mere possibility of being interrupted deters hackers from starting hard projects. This is why they tend to work late at night, and why it's next to impossible to write great software in a cubicle (except late at night). 110301 #eel Even as I was asking her name, I knew the answer: Megan. I said, Whats your last name, darlin? She said, Hmmph! As if were going to tell you THAT! 121913 091313 #roach We drift past the fountain in the lobby, smiling at its multiple stone dolphins, and on into the cafe. Coffee, plentiful, fresh, hot, black, almost makes ghosts visible, for a little while. We indulge. 081013 #dog *PORN shows some tit, twiddles her hair with her burgundy-tipped finger, looks at ME.* ME: Oh! Oh! Oh! [can't help it; the way she looks at him, he is undone, he is unmanned, he gasps, bucks, comes] 010514 #bushmill I quit school almost exactly a year ago, I realize, staring at pumpkins on porch steps and puffed-up cartoon spiders in clingy webs strung up in the oaks and maples of this town's front yards. 102913 #snail The rain swells up again outside, and its beating on the roof and walls of this dive from a long-gone era is barely louder than the squalling of the plumbing as I turn on the cold and splash my face. 081613 #worm They line up against the far wall, patiently waiting for you to explain your little thing. You never would have had the balls to orchestrate something like this before you were in jail, now, would you? 081013 #dog *HIM tousles ME's hair lovingly with one hand, unzips his jeans with the other. Cool walls in wings of darkness lick the air. Neon green invisible spring uncoils. GHOST smiles on the sounds of sucking.* 091413 #trout There are innocent smiles (not the same as pure, but possessed of a certain hand-over-mouth concealing blushing giggles), and there are cynical smiles, calculated to inject. But they are both smiles. 120913 #human #demons #fox Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. What are we. What is this. Are we doing therapy here, or writing a novel? What the fuck. This is why you're always broke. Nobody cares about this shit. Not even you. 081413 #worm I look forward to that day, Ella adds to herself. Then she wakes up and she knows that day is today. She knows her name is Ella. She has some catching up to do--and some slowing down. She smiles sadly. 081313 #copperhead How incredible it is to glide—or the river glides under you—you touch it—it responds—you're making love to water—this is suddenly the most artistic, civilized invention of all time. 081613 #worm Plug the power adapter into wall current before connecting it to the laptop—if you learn nothing else from me today, learn that. That's one thing at least you can use. In or out of jahe. I know a word. 072109 #human I think youre a little bit addicted to wanting to kill yourself. I had forgotten what an actual day looked like, and when I saw a morning, I almost crumpled and threw it away before I recognized it. 091313 #trout I can see the longing in their eyes. The unanswerable curiosity. The simple confusion and bafflement, as they watch the worlds go by, so close, inches away, in slow motion, near enough almost to touch-- 000097 #human Remember the joyful bus-going-by feeling on that guitar night in early summer when I knew I would write every day? Just to make the taptap- tap noise emanate from my porch into the Junebug evening? 102913 #snail The drink is so fiery hot it burns my lips off my face, but I smile over towards the bar, not showing it though my eyeballs are sweating, as the bartender cheerfully wipes the counter with a clean rag. 010514 #jonquil Mary's dad is literally a dwarf. Also he has crutches and sometimes even a wheelchair. Occasionally he can get by with just a cane. Also he sells donuts at fairs and carnivals and festivals and such. 100707 #human Declaring service & submission to "God" is a way of sidestepping the embarassingly sensual & vulnerable truth of service & submission to other ordinary people. God you can't touch; people you must. 120913 #gull The current procedure is: 1 TYPE 2 CUBIFY (1 & 2) may be simultaneous 3 SHELVE SOURCE If source is from typewriter, it goes in a box. Else, it goes in a (probably Dropbox) folder. 000096 #squirrel cuz you were raised to follow directions i think you were raised to be this logivcal directionfollowing orderly gentleman. you know i am afraid that is exaclty it. hahah.im afraid it is too 091213 #human #crow What I want to do is teach this stuff. What I mean by teach is share, foster, spread, open, grow. Collaborate. I believe I have something to offer that is larger than myself. Now. How. Where.