## I just need a safe place What are some of my loops? Putting off thinking or doing or not thinking or not doing until the next kid I have to pick up or drop off somewhere. (Leaping over the gap, when the gap is what might hold fertility and nutrients.) Getting mad & hurt by something Megan does that seems self-centered, selfish, entitled, inconsiderate, or mean; doing an awkward job calling her out on it; getting disconcerted by her failure to appreciate or acknowledge that she did anything wrong; feeling guilty when she brings up how hard things are for her; then vaccilating back and forth for the rest of the day about whether I should have been nicer and easier, or not, and ruminating over how I treat her differently from the others on this type of shit, and basically having my consciousness so comandeered by this maelstrom of uncertainty that it’s no wonder I sometimes just half-consciously elect to skip it and let her be however she’s going to be. Buying something that is once and for all going to remove that last obstacle and set me up with an environment perfectly conducive to frictionless success. Nother cup of coffee. Nother beer. Nother pork chop or enchilada. Some chips. Whatever.