061514 Inordinate amount of night spent dreaming about Ann being out, and inevitably back. Why when I dream of her being out does it always include her moving back in and taking over. (and why do I have a variation on that dream so often?) And always she's spending money, buying copious amounts of groceries. Making decisions. Doing stuff the old way. And I just sit there feeling sick about it, trying to convince myself that I'm just going to have to figure out how to accomodate, compromise, get along--sicker and sicker until I wake up and the relief flows over me. At one point I pretty much convinced myself that I should just let go of my conceptions of how to run my life and my family, I was just being selfish, etc etc; we were walking down the stairs at mom's house, and when we got back to the pool area bathroom, I said look, I've seen the TV shows and stuff, and I don't want to make you feel pressured, but if you ever want to talk about any of it, you can. She said ok. Later or earlier, she was telling me about their morning workout routine, and she said that if no-one else got there first, she always asked to be the one near the camera. Why did you want to be near the camera? I asked, thinking it was probably because she saw it as an opportunity to make herself look good. She gave me some kind of answer about motivation or something, because she had had so much weight to lose when she went in there.