like for instance, there was this guy whose nose had become so blackened and big that he literally couldnt see what was under it, but he couldnt really talk or possibly hear either, and when i landed after jumping off the crashing cardboard stealth airplane that i had accidentally hitched a terifying ride on, i found myself in chriss room and there he was instead of my dad like i had expected. fuck grammar. so mthere were all these pill bottles on the bed, and he obviously needed something, so i grabbed one and handed it to him, and he started to open it but then i said, Wait! What if thats not the right one! What if that one would kill you! and he kind of smiled as he took the pills and lay down dead on the pillow even as i was already hearing my mind say OUT LOUD, I SURE HOPE IT DOES and i was not sure if it was me or him saying that, but anyhow it didnt matter because he sure was dead. and then he rose up on one elbow and he had the most horrible smile you could possibly imagine; not grotesque, just calm and absolutely paralyzingly horrific, and i said, Youre dead, and he didnt say anything except just two words of Im going to fuck you now, so that it came out fuckyou over and over again, and i knew it was him, and i knew it was him and he was dead and laughing and pissed off and [thats when i woke up scared; the vertical blinds were down here frondling in the breeze sounding like someone coming in to fuck me dead] so as you can see its about a tape deck that comes on in the dark when you turn on the lightswitch, really too loud, some weird narrative that you yourself recorded some time ago, only much more profane and weird than you could possibly have come up with on your own. its about this old lady on the side of the launch-way super-tube super-express where no one ever slows down, but you, even as youre flying along, manage to say Hi Missis whatsyername and she smiles its about all your stories going in the damn shredder. ALL of them. its about constant adventure, that you live for but that you also kind of hate its about constant adventure that seems like a theme park thrill ride of the senses, but that turns bad its a classic us vs them but theres not necessarily any of us and theres a whole hell of a lot of them out there. they know we’re here, and they know, but we barely know ourselves its about how you have to keep moving its you being young and you still think youre relatively on top of things, and maybe you are to a certain extent its about real men, and by that i dont mean what you thought you meant by that, i mean the real kind with bellies and moles and hard parts and yellow hair and hard expressions and sagging bellies and its about real women i mean like witches, ones who move about in brown cloaks and weeds and leaves and who smile as you go by so you think Hey! Youre one of-- but oh yeah, there is no us there is no headquarters there is no baseline, there is no relaxing its a box of tamales, its the fucking hairy elbow show, im going back to my fucking roots, with a vengeance it doesnt seem to have a whole lot to do with computers, except that computers are everywhere and only the old ones are on your side fuck, dude. im gay and im pissed and i need help this one time i stopped for a while to rap into a little boom box with these two black boys. we interleaved our rhythms. i was literally drumming with my voice. it was heightened, it was elevated, it was existential, it was plasma, liquid, whatever. it was. and i was high that they were getting it, digging it, and they wanted to know how it was i could do that, but i couldnt explain it and instead took off my denim shorts. Yes, Im wearing panties. But they didnt really seem to think that was too fucked up. In fact they could think of at least one other rapper that did the same thing. Because it was comforting. And then I was on my way again. i dont know if i can keep this up, but i have to, i have to, i will die if i dont and i dont feel like dying yet. one night alone and im a leave the bar out the door so come on in and rape me if you want to. just dont hurt anybody else.