7/22/03 I said goodbye to Hazel in a dream the other night. It was weird, cuz at first recollection I thought the dream had been one primarily of longing after something missing, namely, her. But as I sat with it a little longer, I realized the whole scenario had been shot through with anger, not jealous pettiness but a righteous kind of noble anger at the constancy of the feeling that no matter what mood she's in, no matter what she may gush at any given moment, I never knew and never would know that she was really there for me. And in the dream, I was sad, it was a sad thing but I said goodbye to her. I said goodbye. * And of course, due to the general weirdness of things, not long after typing the above, I got an email from her, breaking this latest long silence. Nothing much, just an item on eBay she wanted to show me, but as always, she appears right when I say I'm ready for her to be gone. Heh heh. Chuckle chuckle.