Its now 6:00 pm, and Im still feeling like Im recovering from a huge stone, but it aint, its just recovering from that weird late-night party-kissing-music turned fuckfest. I just had a dream that the same thing kept going wrong in my life (namely, that either I or somebody else kept becoming an axe murderer [though when I did it, it was usually to kill a badguy. But it was so exaggeratedly violent--hmm, havent had terribly violent dreams for a while. I think that is a sign of a painful fast growth in me, such as usually revolves around a highly impactful sexual experience, such as last night with Pam beside Ron and Zephyr, with all the mixt up feelings finally culminating in my own feelings of inadequacy. Im telling you, these weird fuckups teach me something, I just dont know what at the time!], and getting blood all over, and making the scene nightmarish), so my solution, such as it was, was to turn my life into a movie--sounds almost like Yoga and Zen, eh? in a strange, conscious way--and every time the bad guy would come out and stand over the bed and be threatening again, Id say CUT, (although it is significant that most of the time it was hard for me to speak; I could barely croak out the word!) and the whole house would be thrown away, and we'd start over. Problem is, the badguys kept appearing in the middle of the scene, every time. (I just remembered that the first time a badguy threatened, the time that I ended up killing him with a huge axe, smearing his blood all over, and then burying the ax, and a big knife which Id used to slice his arms and legs, in the wall above his butchered corpse, it was in a grocery store, and he threatened Dad and me both, because I said something smartassy because I didnt like the guy. I think I murdered him because he was making Dad seem vulnerable, not so much just for myself.) So anyway, the last time I declared a house was to be thrown out, I added, so enjoy yourselves, or something, because I guess since we were throwing everything away, we might as well have some destructive fun with it all first. So I said, theres plenty of opportunities for abuse here, and I proceeded to stick my dick into the butt of some woman that I told to bend over, and started fucking her ass. Then I heard someone come up behind me, and ask someone else for guidance, and together they stuck this new womans penis (!) into my ass, and she started thrusting, and my god it felt so fucking good! I mean, it felt good in my ass, it was not like I was just feeling it in my genitals alone and translating the sensation because it was a dream. I mean, I was getting fucked good and hard and I loved it. I want it. Aha! Its because Im a fucking xylophone that I dont have to get drunk! When people around me are being uninhibited, I will resonate!