120626 then i get untimely ripped from my Directed Study womb, and thrust into a special ed class where I get into an argument with a foul-mouthed cynical rebellious girl, and eventually talk and wait and listen my way through it to a place of significantly reduced hostility (she still didn't do any work, but i don't know if i care about that. First I went into conflict mode—heart pounding embarassingly fast—but I didn't want to be all shaky when I called the office or pushed the issue, so I waited for that to subside, and then it turned out I didn't have to call the office or overly push the issue. So like, I took a breath and that let me choose to act like a character I haven't always acted like—it felt like a kind of resistance. I feel a certain kind of freedom). **And that has charged me up.** Hate the crowds, hate the masses, love the little big interactions. **How do I do special ed type stuff without having to be "certified"? How do I do it in the real world, in a way I can not only stand but in which I can even succeed?** Because the special ed I want to contribute to doesn't necessarily have the same agenda as the state standard. See that's the catch.