203602 i want to go back in time and be in mr larue's Quest program at Butler middle school. damn, it was like walking into a whole nother world. Schools are so fucked up. God I hate schools more than I even realized. Militant, religious, dogmatic, repressed, stifling, authoritarian, and just plain STUPID. Maybe if I could do it all over again in his little open-air paradise I wouldn't have turned out to be such a fuckup myself. What is it about verbal self-abusive thoughts that are so comforting? Why do I feel like I constantly need to remind myself what a fuckup I am? Is it because I'm afraid I'll forget that I have no insurance no child care no food stamps and no future and I'll wake up tomorrow and go around thinking i have the right to be lighthearted relaxed and happy?