193535 I feel kind of useless. I'm not an astronaut or an astrophysicist or even a hard science fiction author. With the whole job search thing, you're supposed to concentrate so hard on what problems you can solve--but also almost invisibly factor in how solving the problems of others can be fulfilling to you. I'm already lost in the tangle of what I just typed. I don't feel qualified to solve anybody's problems beyond the level of just getting through a day or a job. Where's the bigger picture? "What good am I?" can be such a narcissistic plea. I want to be a saint. Is that so wrong? Yes, if it's impossible. The girls just had a hissy fight and I just sat in here, like, whatever. What's the big occasion. It's just emotions, hormones, whatever, just being like fluids or substances or bacteria or whatever the fuck. I'm too dumb to see beyond my local environment, so what's the point? I can't really get up the gung-ho to invent some kind of bullshit meaning at the moment, so yeah. Now they're back to watching My Little Pony. Tomorrow, no more Netflix so they'll have to think of something else to do. This is my own personal flavor of low-level anxiety mixed with a nice undertone of depression, or maybe it's the other way around. Either way, whatever. You don't get a prize for not getting a prize. (2014)