What if instead of just telling myself, "You need to work! "You should work! "Why aren't you working! "You can work later; have artistic special fun now! [later] "Oh shit! I can't sleep and I feel horrible because I am going to fuck this up because I didn't work and I *am* a fuckup!" what if instead I just made a plain, simple, black-and-white-as-the-post-office, put-the-items-on-the-calendar-for-the-day (it doesn't matter what hours you put them under or how long you make the event look on there; it's just like writing in pen in the old spiral planners that UMKC gave out) deal to just get done the items on the calendar for the day? Simple! Then the real trick would just be how to know how much to put on the calendar for each day so that the whole thing wouldn't end up being meaningless. But that seems learnable, whereas the whole fuckup rumination thing seems interminable and futile, like drinking. (2015)