032723 having another of my sloe motion anxiety attacks, triggered by an exaggeratedly nice rich person asking me in an exaggeratedly nice way for the $21 I owe them. seriously. it's like 50% of my disposable income right now, and probably about .0001% of theirs, but yeah. they really need me to pay up I guess. ate the fuck out of like 2 bags of chips, drank three stiff instead of 1 or zero, polished off the taco dip, dreamed of mom and Don arguing deep down about a surface issue, woke up in my old room--I mean my old, little room, not my adolescent, empowered, ex-Bryan's room, listening to Chris talk about the plans for tomorrow changing because of something Libby did or said. I feel like straight up shit, depended on and unbelievably undependable. there's lightning and thunder on the other side of my green curtain. rain is starting to shoot the ground like lead pellets. what the fuck does it think it is out there, summer? tera's clawing at the door to be let in. at least she didn't have to wake me up. (2014)