Money and work time. Two things I tend to offload into some fantasy future where there will be plenty of both, instead of making small, immediate changes now in order to create mroe and protect what I already have. Sometimes. Why? I mean, work: I'm doing it now, somewhat spottily. But it's SO HARD to stay here, keep going, not get up and do other stuff. It's really fucking hard. Even though I mostly like this job, and it's what I dreamed about getting last year, and all that. It's so weird. But now I feel like I have a chance to manage this hardness, because of the work I've done up to this point. I'm not drinking, I'm not doing a lot of the crazy shit I used to do. I'm hoping that the little bit of energy freed up by letting go of some of that other stuff will make it more possible for me to keep homing in on WHY THIS IS SO FUCKING HARD, and see what I can do about it. (2015)