#there it is there it is after the dream of swarms of fruit flies having driven me to the point of throwing down my bowl in a tortured madness and fleeing there it is after the noise and self satisfaction of the parents yelling at the game there it is when comfort and joy was a great mound of sandy dirt to play on and slide down there it is after turning over and over in my mind the simple fact: I can't make my car payment, and all the plans and desires that stumble limply after that thought, like Christmases forever there it is at 2:04 in the mad quietness, large gray cat sleeping like an anchor on the foot end of my mattress, unsuspecting--of course cats have a way of being all right. they'll be all right, won't they? there it is--the slow panic, the stupid regret, the stinking failure, the putrescent invisibility-- poke it. stab at it. dig in the wound, you can't sleep anyway. you don't deserve to sleep, until at least one of all the things you could have done but didn't is done (2014)