it took me so long to figure out what i wanted. to be cuckolded. the signs were all there. from that play at the rep in the central sea to anne’s slender cruelties to kate’s juicy globular demands to anh’s white trash perfect medium hard ass- the problem is now, that i have figured it out. awareness/consent tends to defuse it a little, diffuse it a little. it takes away some of the mindfuck power. that’s some catch . . . . when you don’t realize it’s what you want, you run away, come back, run away, until it’s finally too late to come back, but when you do realize it’s what you want, and you find someone who’s willing to do it for you, their very willingness undermines the thrill. i mean, you can’t be shocked by a thunderstorm on purpose. but we’ll see. (2002)