#Suds The fact that Megan doesn't opt in to the kitchen jobs. Like, ever. Maybe it was a mistake for me to make them opt-in. Not sure why I did that. Seems like it would be a big scene to try and change it back now. So this is more about my relationship with conflict, and how Megan in particular is for me wrt that. And why her sometimes bitchy selfish attitude pisses me off so much, like earlier today when she acted like it was a big fucking sacrifice that I kicked them all out of the house to do my interview. Jesus mother fucking Christ, are you serious? Nobody else had a problem with it, but no, she was just so fucking put out. How dare I be so inconsiderate and demanding. As I do my best to get a real job so I can fucking take care of her. Fucking little bitch. Again, she reminds me so much of her mother sometimes I just want to scream. But screaming—well, I have to learn to not take it so personally. To perhaps give up some of the luxury of the friend/confidant relationship—find that elsewhere, like in adults—and give up on being a hero—find that elsewhere, like in the littles for a couple more years at least—give up on being a mentor—find that elsewhere, like at work, maybe, hopefully!—and treat her more like a GLS student. The love remains, of course, but you have to step back and not hang so much of your ego on how they are with you. Accept that there are valid reasons for how they are, and that's not your fault, and it's not even their fault. Fault is irrelevant. Do what you can to help, and build up your strength in the areas that doing what you can shows you you need to build it up in—like facing an unpleasant conflict or conversation in a patient, civilized way. As much as possible. (2015)