being grown up is a treat if you want it to be; you simply accept everything. so i’m still steadily growing boobs—well, that doesn’t mean i have to panic at the thought of not impressing a certain woman—haven’t i learned by now that i don’t really give a shit? find someone instead who’ll dress you up in a transparent bra and parade you around until you practically shit yourself with humiliated pleasure. THAT’S what learning to trust again means. The conflagration of past betrayal doesn’t mean you no longer get to like what you like, or love what you love, or crave what you crave. That’s the secret. Be as old an ridiculous as you want—come on, come out, go down in flames with style. It’s so funny—you’ve been sort of dreading the MO trip because AK’s so excited to see you, and you’ve failed to take the flab off, etc, etc, you’re not fit to present to her what she wants—bugger it! You don’t HAVE to, you idiot! Are you going to get dead first, or are you going to stop thinking you have to be somebody else’s prize???? (2016)