there's this cycle of dependency and control, manifested in yelling at the kids rather dramatically and over the top for really very minor offenses, some of which really wouldn't have to be seen even as offenses, if approached a bit differently. they didn't "dig up the garden" they were just playing with some of the dirt around the edges. but I blew the fuck up for some reason. later of course drank an extra beer when I didn't even really want it, and felt bloated, and woke up tired. at bedtime I had calmed down and had a nice chat with the littles in Libby's bed under their blanket tent. laughed at something. Celi says, You hardly ever laugh. Weird, I totally don't think that's true. but so then why did she say it? now it's a new day. am I going to scream and trample and take over the world and micromanage life? or am I going to let water flow downhill and learn how to let gravity do some of the work? A garden is partly about control, but it's not ONLY about control. (2015)