Regarding the constant background terror that comes with choosing to stay alive and present, it seems beneficial to look at it in a positive, or at least an accepting light. This is what the game is. If you don't like it, don't play, find a different game, or whatever. Yes, this is the only game in town, ok, maybe, but still. The game is stay alive and be present. The best players know how to have fun and feel the power of the beauty around them. They embrace "a healthy confusion of pleasure and disquietude." I kinda think that's pretty much what I'm going to write "about" from now on. What it is to be mortal and vulnerable; what it is to always be an autumnal leaf. (2015)