I got a pretty serious case of magical thinking. Chris said I had a little of the madness a person would need in order to be a writer or an artist or something. The problem is, you spend your whole life kinda thinking you should live up to that, and then come to find out, either because you've become what you've pretended to be or else it really was there all along, you didn't really have to try—and it turns out that maybe it wasn't such a great & romantic deal after all. That it's not all just being special and irreverent and magical, but sometimes your inability to take care of mundane business is harrowing, damn near debilitating at times. I'm not psychotic or schizophrenic or anything grand like that. I just can't see two feet in front of my face when it comes to money, or discipline for certain boring, necessary points of view. As a result I've retained a certain juvenility—if there's no immediate threat, I just kind of go along and assume someone will take care of me when the time comes—the government, my parents—hell, my kids!? It doesn't matter that that can't work, that eventually there's not going to be anyone there to bail me out or keep me afloat, let alone keep me company. As long as I can keep my mind busy enough to not notice the inevitable, I can *feel* just fine at any given moment. Have another beer. Tweak another app. Take another walk. Pay no mind to the paint peeling off the ceiling. Rent will be cheap forever. It's metaphysically superior to be poor, right? My kids will be stronger and know more stuff. Right? Right? Mamet said have a fun objective, and concentration will not be an issue. But what do you do when nobody's written a convincing script for you, and the size of your thoughts is no bigger than an index card? Peg's been trying to help me work my way a little at a time toward who I really am, and that usually seems right. Sometimes though, who I really am seems totally make-believe. Like an invisible airplane. Like I'm waking up from dreaming that I was falling, only to find out I really am falling. (2015)