the difference between something feeling impossible and something feeling even the slightest bit possible is **THE** difference. Like for instance, as long as my ever being able to save money and have “enough” and progress out of the level of zero-sum hand-to-mouth is something that at a visceral level I just don’t *feel* is possible, then I just spend whatever I get, because fuck it, it’s not going to make any ultimate difference anyway. But lately I’ve been getting paid *just enough* more that maybe, just maybe, I can start to get a glimmer, a tiny tingling of what it would feel like to gradually increase the amount of money I have in the bank, like, even after I pay the bills, even if it’s just a little tiny bit in the positive instead of flatlined or negative (where I’m having to eat whatever pathetic morsel is left of my pride and get help from my fucking *parents* at this age), just that minuscule taste of a different path or outcome makes it infinitely more likely that I might, just *might* be able to actually change my actual habits and actual life. (2016)