it's not ok to let megan suck up every last ounce of energy in the room, in the house, in me. yes she has problems and it's my job and personal genuine desire to try to help. but *i also have other kids.* she is so unbelievably self-centered right now, i'm not saying that's her fault, mental health is fucking confusing, but it's just really fucking hard to balance all this out. So, since there's truly *nothing I can do for her right now because she's just not able to let me right now* besides checking in and making sure she's basically safe, I write a long email to Millie about her problems, because she finally explained some of them to me. And so that feels pretty good at least. *AND,* I called Anne even though I kind of didn't want to because I just wanted to be lazy and watch Portlandia and shit, but I had said I would, and I thought about her little smiley emoticon she texted when I had said I would, and so I called her, and I'm really glad I did. And the whole thing about her man moving out and being all down on himself and making himself miserable—she said, "we used to have sex for like three hours at a time" before he lost his lung, and I was thinking damn. Damn! I don't think I *ever* did that, and he was in the military and makes decent money and all this shit—and yet here was this guy being just as neurotic and self destructive as any old goofy roger rabit loser like me. Kinda makes ya think. Let yourself enjoy stuff, kids. Okay *NOW* I'm going to watch Portlandia. And yes, I know I shouldn't have yelled at her this morning. I was just a little freaked out. After that I was trying to maintain some boundaries & help her learn to hold herself accountable. I don't know how well it worked or if I totally—well I don't know, but all I can do is do the best I can and take it a day at a time, right? Anyway, that's what I said to Anne. Do I believe it? (2016)