feeling like a goddamned idiot, disorganized, sluggish, half deaf, stinky, flabby, unenlightened, fairly stupid, powerless, fugly, and just plain dumb. all i really want to do is start drinking and disappear all the monkey fucking idiots are out with their stupid dogs and trash and moronic thumping dribblingly stupid music coming from every direction across the polyethylene field, clashing in a sub- and supersonic headache of stupid pointless advertisements and obsolete fart-smelling guitar riffs. Fuck this place. want to drink and fuck and wish and go back in time and disappear into my own stupid faded duster and boots (one of the few physical items i still have that's real and not purely garbage) but instead of that i'll probably make supper, because i'm nothing if not a castrated trained dog. if you didn't have to go all the way to milwaukee to get pizza that doesn't taste like suburban cardboard--well fuck it, maybe i will anyway. god knows i wouldn't want to not waste the last few extra dollars i won't have about six months from now when i'll be looking back wondering why i wasted my whole refund.