Is [many programmers aren’t hackers][1] kinda like "many writers aren't poets"? I'm pretty sure "hackers" aren't any more monolithic a culture than "poets." Both words are highly charged, diluted by overuse; both have [many meanings][2]. My relationship with both is kinda complicated. To "hacker" I feel like I'm kind of a fleshy dog, a bit too mushy and human. To "poet" I feel like I'm a bit aloof, a bit above like my old "my neighbor" character. Not mushy enough, in other words. That's okay. I'm paddling back upriver to explore a tributary that has delighted me before--one that follows a serpentine path, touching both "hacker" and "poet" at times. Reasons I've dallied but never dived in too deeply before include lack of confidence; lack of processing power; lack of focus; just wanting to do other things; and being afraid of not fitting in, aka *lack of vulnerability.* But I think I may very well have a spiritual home there. I want to find out. I'm drawn to it with the same serene excitement I felt when I learned drafting, and later printing. I'm investing money in it, though I barely have any, because I'm willing to bet that [the product][3] is worth the expenditure, but also because I think committing the funds will help keep me motivated. So yeah, I'm not smart enough, entrepreneurial enough, socially awkward enough, artistic enough, or young enough. But fuck it. This is who I am. (2015) [1]: https://medium.com/@maradydd/when-nerds-collide-31895b01e68c [2]: http://www.paulgraham.com/gba.html [3]: https://www.udacity.com/course/nd000