writing (& programming? the tangential; the universal; the useful; the tangible; you know you've always wanted that part of it to balance out the hormonal & the bohemian & the pagan (which you know you love too)) you've always somehow known there was something missing from just one or the other. programmer with a soul; artist & codist i've been yearning toward this in one way or another since (at least) the Tandy 1000; maybe you could say since reading Anthony's *Tarot* series. Probably from before that, would be my guess, it just gets harder to pinpoint. just thinking about the possibilities makes me actually, physically, immediately happy. all my big bugbears of age, awkwardness, disappointment, underachievement; it all fades for the moment which is in itself a warning sign--after all, i've had lots of fool's-gold moments before nevertheless, there is something real here. i need to explore it now. i'm still young. it's not too late. all the time wishing the girls would get interested in programming & stuff--duh! **I'M THE ONE WHO'S INTERESTED IN IT** so I can go ahead and lead by example. The world is changing and exciting and on fire and in danger and it's a hell of a time to be alive. I DIDN'T MISS IT. You could say I've wasted a lot of time, or you could move on and say something else. Either way, I'm still alive and still full of some kind of passion. And like the schmaltzy old Eagles said to me that day when I was lounging on a raft in the backyard: *It wasn't really wasted time.* It's time to take my further education into my own hands. If you can't beat 'em, FUCK 'em. **This is the age of doing things a different way.**