I'm a little disappointed that no one did any laundry while I was gone, but I'm pretty happy that my runaway vehicle didn't kill anyone or blow up a gas pump. I keep seeing it cruising through that parking lot, people shocked laughing and yelling, that one guy saying “That was cool!” The unbelievable feeling of horror and helplessness. I mean it was just like I was in one of those training videos, only it was real, real, too fucking real, and it was ME, not some random hapless douchebag.... Like, it just didn’t seem possible that it was really happening at first. Truly a sinking feeling, only sinking very fast and suddenly. It was just so *irrevocable.* But Jake is fucking awesome, full stop. I just hope he isn’t wrong. Or hiding something. Yeah I still have a little trouble trusting people. Especially when there’s paperwork and cops involved, I guess, I don’t know. Now the question is, do I say “I would like to have union representation” or not? (Also I can’t quite fathom that I actually drove away, thinking shit like, did they have cameras, like seriously, nothing else was going to happen!? But at least I did come to my freaking senses and go back. I think I was in a little bit of a mini-shock.) And there was also the gaping sadness, staring at the floorboards, waiting for the “deputy,” thinking about how much I was going to miss driving that stupid piece of shit around and singing to myself and shit. I just felt so invalidated. Now I have augmented respect for people who do normal jobs day in and day out without smashing shit and leaving 2000-pound killing machines to wander around on their own trajectories. It takes a different kind of “intelligence” maybe. Also, yes, people can make mistakes. Sometimes you get “lucky.” Also I guess I kind of made myself pathetic. Coming to tears in his office, choking em back, the whole thing. Told him just enough of my story. Was I being manipulative? But he had already said he wasn’t going to fire me because I’m a good carrier. I mean, when you think about it, how the fuck did that happen? I mean I get the part about my ADD ass leaving the brake off and LEAVING IT IN FUCKING DRIVE, WHAT THE FUCK, yeah “I’VE HAD A LOT ON MY MIND LATELY,” you FUCKING THINK?? But I mean, what are the fucking odds that it just threaded its way through that fucking parking lot like that without anything any MORE horrible happening? So fucking bizarre. And Jake said, “We can shrug this off in a week or so.” I mean, really? Is that what people do? Is that what I’m going to do? (2016)