090806 if they're just sitting there, it may not be out of 100% defiance—there may be some genuine, not completely apathetic or ironic confusion or uncertainty. 9th hour: Floyd says, "Dude, look at how much I got on my story so far!" I tell him it's cool. And it is. He was the first one to get started on the homework. 091106 USE THEIR NAMES Individually address people more often, prompt people, actually go in and among the aisles even though they're cramped. In discussion, make sure to call on different people. And MAKE SURE EVERYONE CAN HEAR their classmates' comments. It can't just be ME conversing with a COUPLE OF PEOPLE! ANd above all, BE THE CAPTAIN. HEAD THE RODA. "It's not a democracy," sez Ms. Christy. What is it? You don't have to be so "nice" all the time. * How much does preparation actually help? Or, how do you prepare but still be flexible for changes in plans? 091206 THIS IS IMPORTANT: How do you NOT just pay attention to the loud ones, either obnoxious or even tolerable? There are quiet ones who try to pay attention, and they deserve something besides totally being missed by your radar. The content is the submerged tip of the inverted iceberg. How unprepared I was (am) for “Okay, get out your binder, turn to the class notes section. You will need pencil and paper....” Here I thought I was going to talk about literature. Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! I’m talking about basic office supply skills, with the literature tucked in here and there as half-ironic asides, during rare moments when the class is un-throbbing enough to let me even hear myself think. It’s role playing. It’s acting. It’s playing a game. You dont get to be O Captain My Captain on the first day. You have to learn how not to completely fucking fall apart, first. Ms. Christy: They’ll make you grow, or else they’ll kill you. All I know is, I THANK GITCHEE MANITOU FOR THE UNCOMMON INTENSITY OF THIS LEARNING EXPERIENCE!!!!! Ms. Christy: Don’t get all complex, just keep it simple. They can’t handle it. ME: But some of them can. It’s too bad that... Ms. Christy: But they’re washed out by the ones who can’t. When they’re in their groups, and they’ve done the work, then they can expand and discuss.... 091306 I don't feel like screaming today. It doesn't work anyway. You spend yourself too soon, like an untasteful drum soloist banging every head in the first fifteen seconds of the show. Besides, I think they might actually like it when you lose your shit. I'm simply not willing to spend my days all strung out—so have to try other things. 091406 *** If Im going to get through this, Im going to have to have the courage to go ahead and let them hate me. *** I’m not going to make them love me, just by being myself. That’s such a load of crap. If any of them decide there’s anything good about me, fine. It really doesn’t matter. Its time to *** play the game. *** Ms. Christy said, They want to see how you play the game. She’s smarter than she appears, sometimes. 091506 I think it was Kalarose, in Afr. Am. Lit—Ms. Christy was saying, "This goes in your Class Notes section," and Kalarose kept looking at me, pointedly, and asked me, "Does this go in class notes?" and I said yes, and she said, sort of to Ms. Christy, "I just wanted to hear him say it." Hmm. Hmm, indeed. Do I treat the black kids differently? or I guess I should say, do I treat the white kids differently, since they're the minority here...? Brian, Erica, Morgan, Tiona, Daytona—my little clump of malcontents in (7), were expressing indignation that I kept singling them out to "talk to." I was pretty sure they were the ones that were talking the most, but now I'm remembering that study that showed black kids getting harsher reception for essentially the same behaviors white kids were doing. What was seen as hostility or "attitude" in the black kids was seen as kind of funny or just mildly talking up in the white kids. Hmm. Hmm. Also—maybe I should try to encourage some of the more quiet ones to read sometimes, instead of always picking Terri or the other ones whose hands always pop up right away. Plus: at the end of (4), after the Denzel, Kendrick, Sasha, Shemonya cluster freaking fell out laughing about the idea of bicycle helmets (after Sasha had conversationally asked me what I was doing this weekend), Kendrick said on his way out the door, "You know we just playing, right?" That was nice. He didn't have to do that. It made my day better. The most repeated answer I heard to the "What laws do you believe would help create peace in society" question included curfew, the removal of weapons, freedom of religion, and the removal of George W. Bush. Ms. Christy says the black kids are much nicer to the white teachers than to the black ones. "You laugh, but it's true," she says to the lunch room. Why would that be? Are they subconsciously preparing to take advantage of white guilt somehow? Getting in good with the management, as they say? Just not as comfortable with what they might think the social limits are? Or what? 091806 Called in sick, can you believe it? Because I procrastinated all my prep time away over the weekend. Intense tides of low-level guilt pretty much ruined day "off." Oh well, sometimes you just absolutely fuck up. The key is.... 091906 Alexis (9) says we go too fast, especially because they can't take the book home. We say "Is everyone done?" and even if a bunch of them say “No,” we go on anyway. What to do to let people who really want to do the work, do it without the rest of the class getting bored and LOUD AND OBNOXIOUS? Erica (7) gets personally offended every time we try to get people to settle down. She's happy working amid the noise "You can see, we're writing the stuff down!" and assumes if anyone else in the class is not comfortable working that way, "They'll say so." How to deal with the people who simply do not see the appropriateness of being self-restrained as a social expectation? And it's not simply black culture versus white, because Ms. Christy is totally on the side of people being quiet. Honestly, I think the problem is mostly Erica. She's the meanest and bitchiest on the subject. The other ones act out, but she really seems personally resentful, where they're more just normal school bullshit ha-ha resentful. Faced with people like that, I just get so easily flabbergasted. It's like people you see out on the street, driving cars and whatnot, and you just ask yourself, Why? Why are you SUCH an ASSHOLE? Then the weird thing is, she came over to me later to ask me for something, and she was perfectly nice and polite to me. I didn't even consciously notice it was her until she was walking away. Then I'm pretty sure I accidentally called her "darling." She was on her way out after class, taking the textbook with her, and I couldn't think of her name on the spot, and I accidentally said, "Excuse me, darling. Is that the book from this class?" Fortunately it was really loud in the hallway, so she might have reasonably believed she just misheard me. Um. Yeah. Anyway, I'm pretty sure it was her. Maybe not. I should watch and see if she's close with Emily, because the one I said that to was all buddy buddy with her in the hall. Oh yeah. Also: Why can't I reprimand Emily (7) without giggling? So, tomorrow: How do we keep things moving along, without leaving anyone behind? That is the question of the damn day. I guess what I'm so amazed by is how some of these kids have the social maturity, literally, of a four-year-old. And not even a particularly well-behaved four-year-old. I mean, I know, development, hormones, blah blah blah, but it hasn't been that long since I was a junior or senior in high school, and I just honestly don't remember being that self centered. Hmm. 092006 They do somewhat respond to the "class credit" checks, sort of. For a while. Or the "you will have to turn this in." I need to get to where I can do that if I want to, instead of Ms. Christy being the only one with that kind of authority. I could tell by the way Brian and whoever acted when they thought we had a sub for 7th hour, that they don't really think of me as a teacher, and like it or not, Ms. Christy's probably right, that's probably a large part of my problem. Or at least it will be, as soon as she's not in the room. Tricia (3) was talking about how disappointed she is with Afr. Am. class. I don't like the teaching style, to be honest, she says, although she says she doesn't blame the teacher(s?). It's the environment, she says. The loud, obnoxious, ignorant ones steal all the attention. She would like to have more in depth discussions and stuff, but sees that we can't because of the environment. Write referrals, she said, Get them out of here. I wish I could. Can I? 092506 Rachel (3) fled the classroom today. I found out later she went crying (literally) to the principal, complaining that she couldn't take it any more, and that I can’t control the class, etc. Well, she's got a point. 092806 I should not have said We can go back to taking notes and doing something boring, or else you can sit here and watch this! For one thing, it says that I think the material is boring and unimportant, and for another, it’s my fault if they dont have any appealing options. That was a major, disrespectful (to me AND them) fuckup. I noticed a few people actually listening when I talked about the background info about Amistad. Especially with the seniors, some respect actually comes when you show that you know what you’re talking about. Keandre said, Admit it! You get a kick out of us! I said I do, but there’s a difference between personal and professional. The getting to know them thing may be coming along a little bit, albeit slowly. I’m slow at that social stuff. Not sure if faking it to make it happen faster would work—no, Im sure it wouldn’t work. In any case, I am more convinced than ever that it (making a real, adult connection) is the ONLY approach that will EVER work. They ARE kids, after all, not soldiers or enemies. At some point this semester, I’m going to have to sing. Capoeira taught me to recognize and admit those moments when I’ve just let an opportunity go by (and how horribly sinking it feels). THIS is the next level of THAT game. How not to let them go by, at least sometimes. Joe (3) said I was being extra hard on him during the movie. Was I? I poo pooed the idea, but who knows. 4th hour: that racist substitute. I’m glad I didn’t just completely agree with her to suck up. I have to be an adult, regardless of how people around me are acting. Jamaal... heh. Yeah. 101006 Manuel Fajardo (Joanna’s brother!) knuckle-punches me when he sees me now. He really got into the Benjamin Banneker letter. I like the way you interpreted that! he said, about BB and TJ both getting their freedom from the same place. That. Felt. Good. And goofy Joe was into it, too. They even seemed, for a moment, to appreciate the idea of the power of language—the way you can be all civilized, rational and formal, and still be totally STICKING it to someone.... 101206 Ms. C doesnt much care for tangential exercises. For Sarah Good, it has to be about Sarah Good—to force them to study the literature. She nay-sayed my generalized What if we accuse certain kids in class of something, and make a point about mob mentality, etc which idea, admittedly, I had not developed very much and didn’t explain very well. I just don’t think she sees things the way I do when it comes to using general, bigger issues to draw them into the literature (and vice versa). 101406 Part of my dream (which also involved Katy doing remarkably sexual things to me, then sitting still in a webbed lawn chair at some formal social event while I stared at her smooth, bare, slightly tanned leg (longer and more slender than her actual ones are, now that I think about it), longing to touch and kiss her) included finding (in someone’s autumnal, oak-dappled lawn) and activating a whole bunch of those little wash-cloth-in-a-capsule things, then later talking with some old-ish, mischeivous, white-haired grinning guy about how “You can’t stuff them back in there once they’re out, can you?” What the hell is that about? ˛ˇ1131 what must be preserved from adolescence... resistance to momentum... resistance to the urge to replace your own identity with a demographic.... 120106 donπt really know why 9total impulse 9but yesterday I sat down next to a rarely-appearing, post-suspension Andrew Brown, as 7/8 was drawing to a close. I asked him if he was still writing poetry; reminded him of the ≥I am≤ poem he read in class that one day, many weeks ago. Told him I really liked it. Asked why he never comes to class. ≥I donπt know. I just donπt want to be here.≤ He said it wasnπt so much that it was uninteresting, but he just--didnπt want to be there, even though he knew he should. I said yeah, a diploma is a piece of paper, but it sure helps a lot later. Anyway, today he wrote notes on the board, was one of the very few who listened to the talk about the Wheatley poem (he was pleasantly surprised when he realized it was Wheatley he was writing notes about; he knew of her); and enthusiastically planned to look up the extra credit info on the Earl of Whatsisname. He was actually enjoyable to be around. Coincidence? I HOPE not! Also, and perhaps on the other hand, a just-as-fucked-up Andrew Ward showed up today too. After Emily started asking me to kick him out because he was being rude and vulgur again, I sat calmly next to him and tried to reason with him 9to appeal to his better nature. He sulkily contradicted me at every turn, but at least we were actually having a two-way conversation. He seemed a little†less act-out-ish after that. (Although at one point I heard him deny that he had been crying, and declare, ≥The only thing I feel is anger.≤) After class, as everyone was filing out, I turned around from erasing the board to feel/see him standing there, just kinda half staring at me. ≥Are you all right?≤ I asked. ≥Yeah. Kinda. I guess so. . . [pause] . . . Why?≤ ≥Because. . . I was just wondering. . . you were just standing there.≤ And he walked away. I feel like I missed something there, maybe something important. Thing is: when I talked to these guys, it wasn't a strategy. It wasn't ≥acting≤ (hey, Klepack!). It was, I just felt like I had something to say, and I said it. No need to worry about ≥how≤ to do ≥it,≤ because just by being a human being, ≥it≤ becomes more and more natural as you--grow up? 122106 Chris Petty’s Christmas story.... “What am I? 16, [going] on 17? So this was about 6 years ago, I was 10 years old, and it was Christmas, and my mama couldn’t afford to get me nothing, she didn’t have no money, and, I didn’t get shit. “And I didn’t really cry, but some tears came up in my eyes, and the room started getting a little dusty—there was people smoking in there, and my eyes was burning. “Bang bang! Shoot ‘em up!” [several students listening crack up] Makayla’s Christmas story.... was all about how her mom left the trunk of the car (with all the presents in it) open, and her auntie came over and said, hey, where’s all the presents, and they went down there and everything was gone. I asked her if it turned out like the Whos in Whoville, where it didn’t matter and everyone started singing and holding hands, and she said, No. No singing. It was terrible. 122206 Another smart thing Ms C said: “You can make something out of nothing, if you’re organized about it....” Oh and another thing, about some of the ones (ie, Joe...) who do pretty well for a while, then turn around next day and act like asshats again: “They can’t handle the responsibility of success!” ---------------------------------------- match assessments and classwork (backwards if possible) plan ahead more, make my own projects [and find ones that “make” people work] tell people what they're missing prior to grade time keep clearer records ---------------------------------------- CLASSROOM MANAGEMENT: NO: getting tough “please stop” getting loud making threats punishments rewards (bribes) YES: coaching involving what they like what they care about their (secret) passions earning respect DISARMINGLY BE HAPPY Show that you will not give up until you find a better way. get closer -- even literally; physical proximity Don’t mud wrestle a pig. You both get muddy; the pig enjoys it. DIVERT the energy instead of standing in front of the runaway train. (Capoeira!) The “bad” kids LITERALLY CAN’T SEE THE PAYOFF. The NEGATIVE ATTENTION IS THEIR PAYOFF! Plus, it makes THEM in CONTROL, no matter (especially) how MAD you get! THEY SECRETLY WANT TO DO GOOD. Bill: “Remember, they’re kids.... They’re dangerous, too....” It’s CONNECTIONS with actual adults (not ones who are just trying to be “friends”) that makes a kid turn into an adult. Don't run around like you're their servant. They can wait a minute. Let them come to you to ask a question, if possible without disrupting. Let them get off their asses and get their own books off the shelf. “MORE ACTIVITIES IS MORE STIMULATION” PROGRESSIVE DISCIPLINE, WITH ACTUAL CONSEQUENCES (what exactly is my role?). START SMALL, EG, “SIT DOWN!” (EMERGENCY PLAN?) HAVE AN AGENDA READY EACH DAY, AND TELL THEM WHAT WE’RE GOING TO DO SPONGE ACTIVITIES!!! FOR ALL TRANSITIONS, INCLUDING BEGINNING OF CLASS. MUST INCLUDE SOME TYPE OF GRADE OR CONSEQUENCE. It’s a transition between modes of behavior or levels of thinking. PROMPTS: Questions that are open but specific. COLLECT IN-CLASS HOMEWORK. MORE STRICT TIME LIMITS FOR SHORTER WORK. HAVE STUFF ON BOARD AHEAD OF TIME (“NEVER TURN YOUR BACK”). * SEE ABOUT GETTING AN OVERHEAD PROJECTOR FOR PRE-MADE STUFF!!! Honestly, the main problem seems to be that they're just FUCKING BORED. Ms C says, stop saying "stuff." As in, "Let's be quiet and get this stuff done," or "Okay, you have some stuff to read." She says it sounds like I'm saying, "Let's get this shit out of the way." They're assignments, reading material, etcetera. TESTS: Always "take" the test yourself first. Know the errors and ambiguities. Make sure you're giving everyone the right copy. MATERIALS: Always make sure you have the books, handouts, etc you need BEFORE YOU START THE FUCKING CLASS. Why did the jigsaw kinda work in 9th hour (despite grumbling) but not work really at all in the other ones? Only the ones who do their work as it is, did their work. The others blatantly didn’t. How do you make group work motivate people to do work? ---------------------------------------- SOME IDEAS WHAT WORKED? Interspersing real questions with the “notes” info. Having the questions written down worked for Am. Auth. that one day. The circle in Afr. Am. Lit. Framing “the material” with real questions... “Before we read this, I want to ask you a question.” Okay, with that in mind, let’s read.... “Now that you know about that, let me ask you this...” (related to the earlier question) Tangents. Spontaneous convo ideas, like Ms C is so good at. Knowing when to just move on. WHAT’S FUN? — YOU HAVE TO HAVE FUN, TOO! cue sets? provocative quotes or stories related to the day? √ LIVING HISTORY - "become" somebody √ SEPARATE the class into 2 rooms if possible A NOTE-TAKING lesson for the juniors? post what the expectations are; class contract or constitution use rubrics jigsaw brochures - posters - learning centers seminar -- how? role play thought museum - (what is that, again?) entrance / exit tickets Joana (9) said, "We should have a talent day, because I really feel like singing!" WRITE A SONG DRAW A PICTURE ---------------------------------------- SOME PEOPLE Tytonia (4) is a poet and reads poetry like a poet. Jose R (4) is an actor. Michael Wade (4) plays violin. Jose A (7) is a musician and recognized the Beethoven ring tone. Andrew (7) is a poet (and talks tough). Erica (7) gets personally offended every time we try to get people to settle down. She's happy working amid the noise— "You can see, we're writing the stuff down!" —and assumes if anyone else in the class is not comfortable working that way, "They'll say so." Kayla (7?) is all about basketball. She wants to live in a basketball-shaped house. Tawon Simpson (9) says, “The world is funny.” He likes to fish. Mauricio (9) is the resident Michael Jackson impersonator. He does jazz dance. Max (9) would rather be made fun of than not be included at all. Also, he says he likes “old English,” like Shakespeare and Chaucer. Marcus Wade (9?) wouldn’t change his world; he likes his life the way it is and says everyone has something to be thankful for. Hannah (9) is a writer. Steven (9) says he is white, though people always think he's hispanic or something. Alexis (9) says we go too fast, especially because they can't take the book home. We say "Is everyone done?" and even if a bunch of them say No, we go on anyway.