small one to act as a frame: as a teacher, I don't tell people what to do. I just want to talk with the kids. the other stuff is card games. I learned through my own little crisis that no matter how awesome I am, I'm not the repository of everyone else's possibilities. I'm more like a pharmacist, actually more like a pharm tech, for red pills. I didn't.... I'm like a friendly shop clerk who genuinely wants to be helpful, and believes in the product. I still have to deal with the expectations of acting like a teacher. but the only reason I'm willing to do that is to get to keep talking with the kids. big one that is the door in the castle I didn't go all the way through (yet): what if I was wrong? what if I reacted like a Salem person and got away with it because the whole village believes in witches? you can think you're seeing multiple perspectives your whole life, and you are, as far as your perception goes. . but you don't know about the next dimension until someone comes and lifts you out of flatland!!!! y then you have an opportunity to make a choice. red pill blue pill. that's what literature does!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if you let it medium one that indirectly led me to big one: my neighbors live in mcmansions if i was in my old neighborhood, i’d be rich my wife had this semi-secret suburban normal white folks dream when i was a kid i acted like a cross between a cowboy, bob dylan, and a dog, and i said i didn’t care about stuff like that i’m actually fine, we’re basically fine, i mean money is relative, the world is uncertain even for rich people “i can walk any time around the block” sometimes i have my doubts though, but you can’t have money and retain your values you had before you had it—can you? my mom said “being poor doesn’t make you noble” on the other hand, if you don’t have a car, you have to ask a stranger for a ride across the bridge there’s poor and then there’s poor though; amount of money on hand is only one component out of a spectrum of obstacles vs resources (“wealth gap”) there’s pressure to think there must be something wrong with me, to front with an automatic excuse for why i’m where i am sometimes i almost play dumb in advance so to speak, to ward off expectations sometimes I still play the victim to her, even though I know it's not fully right, and sometimes my insistence that I don't want to play the victim is a sign that I really would still like to play the victim if you don't mind; the part is not complete without a heroic insistence that I'm not playing it. The heroic victim. what was i supposed to be? who was i supposed to be? even the printing job felt almost like a transcendence then again also, parenting. that’s a thing. My mom said, "They know they're loved." it’s made me more grateful it’s made me see different perspectives what is really important? how do people construct what they think of as their lives based on what they think of as normal? it’s made me more desperate occasionally which has led me into situations where i’ve learned and seen a lot (early view for instance) our own expectations drive our behavior—we follow along in the wake of our worst fears. until— Until what? Someone knocks your rosecolored glasses off your face.