## 04:09PM It's is a test. 04:11PM It's is a test again, my black man. 04:12PM It's is a test again, my blahs final test. 04:12PM It's i mean it this time 04:33PM Pot pies and leftover veggies. Megan's getting the old ipad ready for her trip. And I didn't even have to add a date or specify a file for this journal entry, because of Drafts 3.0 for iPad. I just realized I never use time stamps in journals. So I took that part out of the action (script). Libby's first soccer practice. Nice clear wet spring day; sunshine still a bit tentative just like Libby herself. I think she'll get into it, though. this rocks. Plain and simple. #drafts just got off the phone with scott. good ole scott. he's like a tree in my woods where the woods is a flower in your vulnerable garden. everything is vulnerable. your life, your mom, your kids, the government, movies, microwave ovens, your favorite songs, everything could be gone tomorrow. the asphalt of your favorite streets. did you know how much interdependence is built into everything you think of as permanent? there is no permanence but death. i go to work tomorrow knowing that. you may go to work tomorrow knowing that, courtesy of me. you're welcome. everything is temporary. anyhow. eat up. remember to enjoy every little thing you see. especially the people. i recommend the people. stacks of cells & bacteria, they exude the kind of trumpet calls and fanfares you've come to expect from life. life is incredibly beautiful. did you know that? if you've forgotten that, you need to come to my tavern and drink my drink. look into a cat's eyes. listen to what a child tells you. it is more important than anything your phone or the internet can tell you. you are exploding. fuck everything. if you are alive you will know what i am saying. bless you. bless being alive. it is such a short space of time. nice. real nice. i am drunk. may i not be too pissed off at me tomorrow. Sent Anne a good morning sweetcheeks text, timed for her morning. I'm enjoying this little whatever-it-is. A lot. Actually. In what way might the exhaustion be related to attention? On even the most pointless day as a substitute, you have a reason to be there. You may look for it or not; you may reflect on it later or not, but it's there, somewhere. Sieved Dell Voids if Sunday 042013 Names From The Library Wendy Towel Steth Relish Pager Morocca McCormick Lerwick Laurel Kinsman Jenkins Houjar Haunt Luau Diego Don Fear Cordon Clamor Buck Blab Asp Abrasive Remember Don't shit your cage. 042113 HHFA Fucking titpicnic Outpost Hill Hi point with one pine nestled in a U-shaped turn in the stream, last point downstream side of the river kingdom. 042313 Anne With An "E" Um yeah. She texted, "so wonderful to start my day with a nice message" and I felt warm and then about 10 seconds later I got this flushed feeling starting around my lower chest and migrating down until I started to get hard. What I'm Saying Is I felt the old "in love" feeling. Dude. For real. For the first time in I don't know how long. And now I'm a little Discombobulated. I Mean In A Good Way But still, it's a little queer. There's so much practical uncertainty around any possible outcomes of it, I mean projecting into the real, physical future. But-- Still-- Nevertheless-- Dude, I'm Feeling Kind Of In love. And it's got me a little Agitated. Thing Is I don't want to turn her into a vacuous fantasy addiction lollipop. Cuz that would be inevitably disappointing and a waste. Ok Now that's nice. 042613 Taking a crap so I don't have to at school. Ugh. I've really got to get my crapper fixed. I've really got to get my short-term-itis fixed. Got to get my braaaaaaaaaaain fixed. There you go. It's not quite as nice feeling (or sounding) as the Apple one, but this Logitech is a decent bluetooth kbd. The special iPad function buttons are actually superior--being that it has a home button, lock button, volume buttons. It lacks brightness buttons, and the spacing of the fn-ctrl-opt-cmd-arrow keys is a little weird. And it smells like polyvinyl farts of plastic death. But it'll get the job done. I am in love with a pig; myself. That's ridiculous. The spotlight key by the arrow keys is absolutely retarded. I can't wait to find out how many damn times i'm going to hit that on accident. 042713 Megan left for Virginia with Kynzi & her mom Dana & the fifth grade. Libby's first soccer game is today. Millie's idea was to make colorful letters to spell out "LIBBY", and have her & me & Celi hold them up during the game. (But we forgot to bring them this time, oh well.) Did I mention I cleaned the blinds in the bathroom the other day? Astonishing how little things can add up to affect the overall tone of your daily existence. even just clearing off a space to put my coffee mug on next to this little desk-- Or little things like allowing myself not to obsess over hypothetical emotional commitments that in physical reality would probably be misplaced or misused. We're at the turtle place and celi wants a piece of candy. Mil & cel & I will be going to get the nuggets while lib finishes up her appt. Then we'll go to LIBBY'S FIRST GAME. Millie's reading a Lego magazine. 042813 Tacos in twenty. Millions of pictures of every little thing. Play castle tents in the backyard breeze, neighbor kids connected by shouts across the commons. One by one they succumb to supper time but they'll be back, back to hide and seek and argue and escape again into the nascent summer sundown moment-- Unfortunately, that *is* fat. Celi has a new little friend from across the field: Lulu. Hilarious name, real person. SHe's the little sister of Darin, the troubled little boy that I think Megan kind of like likes. I'm not drunk, it's not 2 am, I didn't spend $300 on an impulse printer--in fact I didn't buy anything. I haven't even pigged out particularly. Not bad, not bad for a day. 043013 Here's the thing that pisses me off the most about this fucking fucked up world right at this exact moment (two or three seconds ago actually; but what after all is an eon besides a stack of seconds, and what in fact is a person besides a stack of bacteria and other cells?): Some things, no matter how often or hard you clean them, just never get any cleaner. The front door. The hood above the stove. The kitchen wall where that sick bitch glued a bunch of pictures up with some kind of insane gorilla adhesive. *** antinomy. want to honor my elegance engine, and yet want to be a little drunk when i call her. she's my funeral home afficionado; my savoir-faire of a previous generation; the only fully adult non-family woman i've ever loved. Okay. The creepiest part of the funeral? on a board THere was a picture of Sharon and Otto, young, possibly only recently of fucking status. and she looked EXACTLY. like. Ann. Profile. Regal. Large. Hot. And he was looking at the camera with like this proud almost smirk. I hope I never have to see that picture again.