December 4, 2008 Got an interview. Switching to tea. Ready to read, write, save the world; yet, strangely, did none of the above tonight. December 6, 2008 I am sick to death of being talked to like I’m an idiot. I am so fucking tired of hearing that bitchy, domineering tone, I just about want to fucking explode. I am also fucking sick of being shot down every time I bring up a concern or a problem that I think needs to be addressed. If I do nothing, I get bitched at. If I try to figure out the best way to make a change so I can do what needs to be done, I get bitched at. You say I should know where everything goes. Here’s fucking news for you: you have so many little fucking rules and destinations for all your piles of crap, there’s no way I could possibly get it right all the time. And if I ask you, for instance, What’s with this stuff in this box? you get pissy with me and do that fucking maddening gesture with your fucking hands, and tell me just not to worry about it right now. My morale is at an all time fucking low. I can’t fucking talk to you. I can’t fucking talk to you about anything that needs fixing, because all you can do is start bitching at me about how nobody ever helps you. I’m doing the best I fucking can here. I am always here for you. I’m not an idiot. I don’t sit around and watch you do all the work. I pretty much do whatever the fuck you tell me to. Please just use a little respect when you’re telling me what to do. Don’t turn into your fucking mother. I’m not your fucking dad. I will not be treated this way. December 11, 2008 Now that everything is documented; digitized and archived; will the past no longer be “made simple by the loss / Of detail, burned, dissolved, and broken off / Like graveyard marble sculpture in the weather”? And if not, then so what? December 22, 2008 I can’t read, I can’t do anything (except practice piano) but that the voices come: I’m not in shape, I can’t read, I can’t write, I can’t do anything (except practice piano)…. Truly, I am in a den of shit. December 22, 2008 I really don’t know much about much of anything.