010208 Ruth told Megan I used to burp the alphabet, and she told Nancy that I don't fit the stereotype of the Dad who can't or won't take all three kids in the grocery store. Neither one of those is actually completely true, and I think that's why she gets so upset sometimes. Reality hasn't lived up to her ideal, and it pisses her off. But you know what? It's not my job to project a hologram of who she thinks I'm supposed to have turned out to be. It's just too bad that the beginning of her association with Ann was marked by the assumption that any and all of my new deficiencies were all Ann's fault. Part of the problem with working on getting a job is the panic factor. It's hard to read about Moodle, or think deeply about social constructionism, for example, in order to better prepare my mind and spirit for what must be done, when I'm constantly being distracted by panicky thoughts about what must be done. 010308 Megan expressed a preference for one particular OS X feature vs OS 9: When we rebooted into X, she pointed at the Dock and said, "I want my computer like this all the time, because the games are all in a row down there." Makes you wonder if all the complaints about OS X from old farts really are just based on "what you're used to." 010408 "At age 18, Spielberg sneaked away from the tram route of the Universal Pictures tour and stepped onto a soundstage...." The point is, people who succeed don't just go along and do what they're told. It's a prime paradox of our time. (Of any time?) We're socialized relentlessly to behave and obey, yet the greatest rewards go to those who dare to pop their heads outside the warmly spinning capsule. I secretly know something. (No, not that. I'm talking about something else now.) I secretly know that I can be wildly successful. I know who I am. I know that Aslan, that Simba's dad, that drummer, that play-directing farmer inside who says, "You are more." I know it's there, I know it's real, I know it's me. Pretty much the only real question right now is, do I have the energy to be huge? Am I awake? Am I up for it? Come on, man. Are you coming or not? We're at Bearfield, waiting for you. We have booze and chicken. Come on. 012408 What was it that changed Dad's mind, and set him off on that elaborate pantomime of reasonable chagrin, when he and Chris and I were walking Doc by Capaha, and the shuffly old black dude shambled over and rambled off his "give me some money" story? "Well, what do you think, guys?" Dad asked me & Chris. "Should we? I usually don't, but...." Was it because it was Christmas? Was it because Chris and I were there? Or just because one of us in particular was there? If so, which one, and why was that one's impression of his decision at that moment, important? 012508 Okay, so whales, hearing or feeling each other across vast distances. Once again, what other species have accomplished proteinaceously, humans are learning electronically. I'm in front of the computer, as usual. I hear three pretty downward chimes. I glance at the Adium bubble; Ann's gone grey. So I know that her computer's gone to sleep. Data I now have about her activities, when I'm miles away and can't see hear smell feel or taste her. And that's nothing, compared to the ticklings these sorts of devices can do if you really want them to. That instance just struck me because it was so aside, so unconcscious, so delightfully meta. It's too fucking incredible that I'm typing this on my computer but I'm actually sitting, and physically typing on Ann's computer. Can anyone born into this little period of incredibly cool cumputeriness actually fathom just how freaking mind-blowing that actually is? No. The answer is no. It's just too fucking dreamy-sci-fi-freaking-incredible. 012808 "I get a shitload of e-mail from folks—okay, mostly straight guys—who were promised regular oral, three-ways, bi action, visits to pro dommes, etc., during courtships, only to be told, once they'd committed, that "love" nullified all those tantalizing offers. That sexual bait-and-switch bullshit destroys relationships, LOSE—even good, healthy, loving, stable relationships." Yeah. I was supposed to be able to have a boyfriend. It took about two weeks to find out that even bringing up would cause a guilt-storm of Katrina proportions. 012908 Screen Sharing is soooooo fucking cool. I'm helping Millie play Webkinz--and I'm on the couch, and she's at the desk at mama's computer! *GEEK OUT* 013008 Not just the "kids these days" are blase about technology "because it's always been there" for them, but the specificity of, in this case, Millie's awareness really blew me away. She's not even four, and she's contemporaneously savvy enough to get that Screen Sharing is something special. She said, "Hey! You're typing on your computer and it's showing up over here! [accompanied by the characteristic Millie-delight laugh]" Awesome.