070206 she said she wanted to squeeze her boyfriend's cum out of her asshole into my mouth. i hope to god she means it. pay the rent wpiphANE about schoole: You should do exactly as much work as you need to do to get the creds. What you LEARN, the IMPORTANT part, the MESSAGE, so to speak, is what's woven into the rest of your life while you happen to be in school. The creds are just there to keep you looking at something else, besides IT, because when you stare too hard too long at IT, IT usually has a way of making pretty sure you can't see it any more. 070706 It's always a dance. As gas goes up to 3.25 a gal, and the oil companies shovel in record profits, and Bush slaughters Iraq & Afghanistan but gives a pass to nuclear Korea, and faceless entities go to work on shutting down the true freedom of the Internet, and the Puritans and Victorians are being reborn in even uglier, more strained guise, I'm reminded that it's always a dance. Because at the same time as all that is going on, technophile hobbyists are tweaking genes in the basement, downloaders are getting amp sounds and bits and pieces and making their OWN music, and my amazing friends who (so far) aren't afraid to think and talk are going to become teachers Just saw one of those "corner of your eye" ghosts in the print shop (is there a word for those?). This one was dark blue, a little bit looming, watching.... 071706 I just read an article in WIRED about how totally bombing at a game can produce physiological signals of pleasure, not frustration as you might expect, particularly if the game is so designed that the interactivity of losing is entertaining in itself. That reminds me of when I was pushing Meggie on the swing, with the little basketball goal set up before her; I would toss her the ball, and on her upswing she shot for the basket. If she missed, I would throw the ball at her, and it would bounce off her face comically, and she would giggle. She still tried for the goal, and made plenty of baskets, but she actually seemed to enjoy the misses more, because of our little interplay. That's a good notion for teaching, yes...? 071806 In case I didn't mention this before, the most singular schism with Katy in my memory was when I called her from the Landmark, where we gathered after Glenn's departure, and asked her to come on down. "I can't do that," she said. Looking back, subjectively, filtered by the polarizing effects of personal narrative mythology, I see that moment as the end among ends of an alternate path that went off . . . somewhere else. 072106 you know what the best thing i've heard in a while is? FREDDY: [about me, to a fucking hot chick in a pink hat] "If I was gay, I would so nail him!" That just makes the blood warm, me boys! 072706 Here's what it is. Here's the difference between being a "writer" (or "person" of some kind), and being a mere masturbator, "another boring bisexual" if you will: 073106 Well, I forgot. Meanwhile, back on the Katy thing, here (from Savage Love)_ is an apt description of exactly what we did to each other, simply enough: "She isn't into you anymore, she's seeing someone else, or she isn't into you anymore and she's seeing someone else. So why doesn't she dump you? Because she's trying to let you down easy, HAK. Your girlfriend, being young and stupid, doesn't realize that a long, drawn-out period of constant, low-level rejection--we'll do it later, I'm still attracted to you, you still turn me on--only makes the ultimate, unavoidable pain of total rejection worse. It's a mistake that a lot of people make when they're young, HAK: We worry that the boyfriend or girlfriend we want to be rid of will be devastated when we leave, so we string 'em along, making ourselves (and our bodies) less available to them, in a futile attempt to gradually wean them from our irreplaceable selves. When we finally do get around to dumping them, the hurt of being broken up with is compounded by the humiliation of having been made a fool of. In other words, HAK, it's over. Your girlfriend doesn't have the decency to end it honestly, but you can have the self-respect to end it yourself." - Why am I even thinking about this now?