110604 One more smoke and then I god. It’s hard not to think about tits in a cafe where that girl keeps walking by. I miss those kind of innocent mean tits. They don’t give milk, they give exquisite pain. They are made of air and illicit machinery. They are rapier smart and they wear boots. I would actually kill to exist. 110904 NaNoWriMo is my saving grace. I think I’ll dooit every year. It works out perfickly buhcuz you have all dat halloweeeeen candy from Octoburr. An thin you cin eat it all the day you are Wriing your No. 11114 This is it. I’m here. At the cafe. An officially sanctioned visit, no less -- guilt minimal, and relatively easily dispersed. Wave your hand as through a fog -- poof! it’s gone. But it’s never completely gone. Other people can still smell it. Guilt upstairs only. Guilt section? right this way. Would you like a booth? Guilt’s so much more expensive these days, what with all the taxes and stuff. I just typed two commas in a row accidentally. Maybe this keyboard’s finally getting old. I sure as hell am. How am I going to convince Jelse to go with the mob? Just play on his boredom? Wake him up from a dream about the codification of eroticism, only to have him find he’s already driving downtown? Have a peanut butter cup. Pierre is here, dammit. His sublimely annoying voice cuts thru the air. Shut up, you stupid mother fucker. Shut the fuck up. What if you slip, one of these days? Then it’s not going to be so funny. Then you won’t be a holier-than-thou. Okay, point taken. But I don’t think you’re funny. 111304 OMG, like, I totally heard this fucking awesome song on WMSE by William I-shit-you-not Shatner and Ben Folds, called You’re Gonna Die. Or maybe You’re Going To Die. Whatever. 111704 Omsatigo. 111904 Omsatigo hides here. The whore went crazy. Tried to kill him. Some drug thing? Who knows. Maybe just a nightmare. In any case. He’s hiding here, under this straw thatch, til it’s safe to go back home. The green dress is riding up his ass crack. It feels kind of good. He sweats. I just saw an honest-to-god Twink@! And he gave me an honest-to-god PowerSurge! 112204 I was lying in bed with my whore last night, after fucking her hard and whispering Sweet Baby in her ear. I told her she was the best whore cuz she stays the whole night. She said, Yeah and I’m pretty much free, too. I said Nothing’s free. She said, Well, you pay me the best anyway. I said Yeah? She said Yeah. Everything I could possibly want is right here in this room. The room was quiet except for the hush of her breathing, my breathing, and the breathing of our beautiful two daughters. I slept well. There’s Sruky, with his feather hands and spider muscles. Whanging away as usual. Does he do that to get laid? Do I do this to do the same? OMSATIGO. FUEL TO SNOKE. I hope. I hope the snoke comes out. Can I let it? Is it up to me? Will I bring it on up and out? OMSATIGO! Freedom, freedom, freedom, freedom. I could write that word fifty thousand times. It wouldn’t win me any awards, not even spurious duck-bobbing ones, but it sure would be a good reminder. O i’M letting thiS one lAsT before I GO. 112304 Right now my top priorities are: write the novel, free the hips, keep the whore’s personal thermostat crankin. In that order. 112404 The secret to using teh-dsa as notes is not to look at the notes. Recall it, relive it, but don’t cut-n-paste it. The reason it’s time for her to be my whore is, besides the obvious she’s willing, is so I can help her love herself. How weird that you can be alone in a room or bunch of rooms, hear a beep, and see a piece of paper move thru rollers, coming out with an image on it that wasn’t there before. All without talking to anybody. You’ve been sent a FAX, my friend. How does that make you feel? It’s a garbled text about making her smell like her, making her look like her, and ceasing to hide your obsession with her. Every time you remind her that she’s wearing her collar, you remind yourself that you would gladly wear it, too. Marco Vassi, where are you now? Drug test me. I’ll test positive for Si. I’m high. And I’m gonna synthesize me some out of Cholola’s parts. Dig? Sometimes the only way you can get a really good ass-fucking is to fuck an ass yourself. It’s about little things as they come along, and how these are often more potent than any of your stored-up salves.