# 2026-10-04 ## i can’t stop eating when i have one of those times when i say fuck it stop spending money when i’m empty and obsessed relax and not get mad when cel’s having a good time and a few minutes late do my work when i’m caught up in whatever’s behind around or just with all of the above sure i’m not drinking or smoking but why not? clearly i need help i can’t do it all by myself and that sucks but it’s about the only thing i know for sure right now i am wasting vast swaths of what’s ostensibly left of my life; naming this may be invigorating but it risks being a sudden resistance drop, pulling all the voltage from the amp and then everything just sags # 2026-10-09 I need help. I have no excuse for dying and yet I am dying.