091224 petunia no *no* artist; “petunia” only want to feel gud | | obsi | bbed | bike | | ----- | ----- | ---- | ---- | | mkdwn | √ | √ | ✕ | | files | ✕ | √ | √ | | auto} | √ | √ | ✕ | | itali | √ | ✕ | √ | | tabls | √ | (✕) | ✕ | | outln | ((√)) | (✕) | √ | NOTES: - Obsidian *constantly* auto-saves and you can’t change that - really the only thing wrong with BBEdit is you can’t have italics or other non-geek niceties - Obsidian has noncontiguous (opt) *and* columnar selection (opt-shift) *and* multiple cursors; BBEdit has columnar selection WHAT THEY ARE FOR: - **Obsidian:** publishing oddletters - **BBEdit:** anything, reliability, simplicity - **Bike:** outlines - **Drafts:** actions, iOS frictionless capture 091324 Notice when you’re happy. not even putting “happy” in quotes; it’s a big dumb balloon of a word but you know what it means. it’s been pretty hard to be happy lately. a lot of shit weighing me down. but i’m happy right now, right at this moment, with a hypnotic background video playing, “grading” my CW class. It’s all I am doing right at this little short moment, and I’m happy to be doing it. Notice these moments. actually birds have hair too what did you think they were blind? 091424 1726307255 4:47 am but anxiously wide awake; the hypnogogia is the first casualty (notice these moments too i guess) text: TAKING LIBBY TO SENIOR SUNRISE 1726380386 the verses don’t want to talk about themselves but i want to talk about them because i am slightly drunk and i learned through listening stories about my neighbors and i have neighbors and i am not young but not debilitatingly old yet and i have neighbors and i have something to drink and i have a frozen pizza and a oven to bake it in and electricity to power the oven and my mom helped me buy my house with money that my stepdad left her and i thought my neighbors were so much more financially successful than i am but it turns out my neighbor’s brother basically owns their house because her husband had an affair and threw his wedding ring in the sink this was in the 90s i guess and said “you and the kids can go live in a shelter” and then her brother bought out the mortgage with cash and her husband had to just deal with that so in a way you could say he was cuckolded by his brother in law in a weird way no wonder they’re so weird they never really worked through it; it’s just a thing that happened; they coexist; they act normal and you wouldn’t know this walking down the street you would just think, “there’s some white people that have a house and more money than me” and you would be right, but remember, always remember to ask the five questions. dgmw i love my neighbor, she reminds me of my mom but we’re ALL just grown up kids so whatever happened to us as kids-- and my neighbor, god love her, i think she started telling me this story because i said my mom helped me buy my house--leo’s house, yknow--and i think that made it all right for her to acknowledge to another human being that she was lucky to have her brother, to have family, to help her out with thousands of dollars when she needed it, to keep her integrity intact, and, god love her, she gets that, but i bet there’s only so many times and places where it feels all right to recognize that and come face to face with that-- 1726353580 forgot which way was down and went on the roof blurry eyed from having gone back to sleep and i was like wheres the cats and the weird part is there were some up there but they were all different colors, like eggplant, and royal blue, saffron, turquoise, fawn, pop-pop-popp-poppy 091524 i still don’t know where the verses go or what blood and flesh they and i are made from for of delight unfinished everythings connected it’s not “houses” it’s just all connected layers of construction and decay and adhoc repairs this is a physical story the small truck the brick house the brownstone the theatre all relics of the ancient times the truck parked among the fallen leaves the air sweet with desolation the fall doors windows windows into other rooms the land connected to the sea floating platforms tunnels bridges platforms debris hammered together scraps survival compromise decay Approximately 1713950781 seconds after I was born, I decided to stop needing to drink alcohol (again). 091824 1726666985 Good beep, beep, beep, morning ozinga backing up to pour the concrete in exactly the right approximate spot, good god the potholes morning up with your second cup the stairs you go to pour your energy in the shifting shimmering good void morning oats and apples fallen from the tree, your tree; the second passes “we’re but a speck” my friend said to his daughter, pointing to his fallible heart; “yeah, but you’re *my* speck!” she protested morning good up backing concrete pour ozinga, beep, beep, beep, beep, beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep— 091924 im a patient who thinks he’s staff (thank you all for taking care of me) 092124 the krange in my life is emerging tightening my cazzette lockring made shifting go from *squa-CHIK-K-K-ck* back to <plunk> 092224 > energy is simply the property that stays the same when the object shifts in time. Momentum is the property that stays the same as the object moves through space. > A third property is needed to specify how particles change under combinations of spatial rotations and boosts (which, together, are rotations in space-time). This key property is “spin.” > https://www.quantamagazine.org/what-is-a-particle-20201112/ 092324 morning awareness of deep well of grief hides it. feed the cats & scan the horizon for thunderclouds of joy MONDAY MORNINGS I DO *NOTHING* EXCEPT WORK MY WAY UP TO THE CW SESH. *that’s the story and i’m stickin to it* **guilt free**