how much is worry about {it} or {them} and how much is what people will think of {you}? - trains - books, notebooks, plain old words; barebones text & obsolete computing; and the time and space to immerse myself in them - the fractal nature of infinite textual hyper-reality; exploreality if you like - money; aka i have wasted so fucking much money on shit, on literal garbage i didn’t need and don’t give a shit about now; so it’s not really money but ***options.*** it’s the it’s the it’s the beasting the bee sting the beasting is what is making me fail at my weight goal— it happens when i’m 1. high 2. drunk 3. emotionally “off” in some way 1. (or most likely this plus either or both of the others) if not for the beasting, i can do it and it’s not even all that hard. one could suspect that “doing it and it’s not all that hard” is part of what leads to the beasting; one could conclude that an other form of release valve is therefore in order. it’s the beasting; it’s the bee sting— #beast # stuff from that text-yourself app ---- https://www.theplanetstoday.com ---- current political climate: strongman/beatdown vs philosophical/collective. strongman tends to loom large in times of crisis or at least fear of crisis; generate crises if you want to get people on yr side ---- # name pussy glissando ---- # cw lets say the only rule is we’re going to []; other than that, anything goes. what could we do next? ---- # parenting if youre gonna drink illicitly, i am too. ya little bastards ---- Cognitive damage is apparent and is one of the symptoms of long COVID: it causes symptoms ranging from stroke and Parkinsonism to dyscalcula and even dementia. If you've noticed poor, erratic, or angry driving in the past couple of years, road manners are one of the more evident signs of what's going on. Cars are a proxy for bodies in public space and elderly drivers are notoriously bad; we're now seeing a lot of aggressive, oblivious, and inexplicably bad driving behaviour routinely, and an uptick in accident rates. There may be other less obvious side-effects: I suspect the angry political discourse is to some extent inflamed by the brain inflammation of the folks who think COVID19 is over. – http://www.antipope.org/charlie/blog-static/2024/07/the-coming-storm-part-2.html ---- # cw IF YOU GET THE GRAMMAR RIGHT, YOU CAN SAY ANYTHING ---- strflow://show-note?id=E8F73C31-2F4D-460E-8DF7-050441885E17 ---- # go https://www.milwaukeemag.com/your-guide-to-wisconsins-50-state-parks/ ---- id rather be a dorky bell ringer than a lazy couch sitter ---- not black/white, brown/white etc; multiple warring undergrounds, and which one is coming above ground next ---- # stone Before long, every employee – including the "creatives" whose ideas were credited with the productivity gains of the American century until the 70s – was spending a huge amount of time (sometimes the majority of their working days) filling in forms, documenting their work, and generally producing a legible account of their day's work. All this data gave rise to a ballooning class of managers, who colonized every kind of institution – not just corporations, but also universities and government agencies, which were structured to resemble corporations (down to referring to voters or students as "customers"). Even if you think all that record-keeping might be useful, there's no denying that the more time you spend documenting your work, the less time you have to do your work. The solution to this was inevitably more IT, sold as a way to make the record-keeping easier. But adding IT to a bureaucracy is like adding lanes to a highway: the easier it is to demand fine-grained record-keeping, the more record-keeping will be demanded of you. ---- # stone Wisdom is knowing when to drop the metaphor. i always think i want it or will enjoy it once i get there, but once i’m there i realize what i wanted was something else—something “it” is not actually all that great at facilitating. by the time i figure that out (again) i’m a whole nother person never step in the same river etc etc #comic a guy and a bear hanging out by a big tree near the edge of the woods 1. guy takes a hit of a joint, passes it to the bear 2. bear takes a hit, passes it back nonchalantly 3. guy takes a hit, proffers it back to the bear 4. bear swats the guy’s face off ---- be one of the lights in the #cityofmydreams i have a mental disorder whereby other people think they’re me #beast ya know, 3 drinks a day *minimum* makes it a lot harder to lose or maintain weight. classic humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room type shit. plus you’re blowing a significant chunk of change on alcohol. problem is, it feels good. mostly. usually. [[the beasting|except when it doesn’t]] lovable dumbasses useful idiots humans > When a flight is nearly empty, only a few passengers enjoy the extra space. But when a flight is full, many passengers feel the crunch. https://towardsdatascience.com/the-inspection-paradox-is-everywhere-2ef1c2e9d709 #stone when your childhood is a museum when your museum is a spaceship full of moments, frozen in time your sadness and hunger and loneliness are part of the museum too along with your wonder, your connectivity, and your ability to learn 080724 late summer morning a small applewood fire a handsome cat rolling around on warm concrete lake breeze time enough remaining not to watch the minites but the sunrise that you watched will be a minute later tomorrow— memento mori— this is wealth this is wealth this is 080524 If you hit TAB, the Obsidian note on your screen focuses. Even on iPhone with external keyboard. And ⌘P works to get all the commands even on iPhone as well—then you can just arrow down thru the list or type more, whatever. Ulysses can’t do half of this shit. Yes, there’s some annoying bits like the non-native Mac weirdness (although that’s a plus if I ever do move to Linus), and the fact that you need to install a community plugin to get curly quotes, for fuck’s sake! But overall, it’s too cool to give up on right away. here are some notes i had made prior to a convo with lib that cel ended up participating in and telling her some stuff she needed to hear about ismael: > *aside from my dog-instinct mistrust of this particular person.... like, i’m not gonna say “you can’t be with him,” even if i have a strong feeling about it, and i will be here for you regardless of what goes down, although that may be harder for other people in your life who aren’t your dad, but as yr parent while you’re living here i do still have some preferences and expectations* > > *yes— you went to the bike thing and harrington and chicago with us (though for some parts you seemed a little distant, but i don’t want to make that an accusation)*  > > *like, i don’t want to emphasize “i miss you being energized and happy and having color in your face” because that can come across as overly negative criticizing and blaming; but i can sure think it to myself and i can’t imagine not using it as some kind of barometer* > > *healthy relationship: lives are mutually expanded, enhanced—not only when you’re together or separated from other parts of your life; there’s no hidden fees and it can be work but not guilt or drudgery or a burden* > > *and you don’t find yourself neglecting your other relationships or elements of your life* > > *i like seeing you engaged, alert, awake, energetic, interested in things—not only when with one particular person in one particular way* > > *“can’t feel good without this one person” is not healthy* > > *a person doesn’t ‘make you happy’* > > *suddenly the people (your fam) who have been here thru everything are the enemy? question that?* > > *remember “i should talk to my dad more often”? — i havent changed* > > *also... other people have problems too?? me being anxious and distracted (for example) isn’t because of you* > > *(if yr feeling inadequate or like yr failing with me/us, the solution isnt necessarily running to someone else even if he seems to know what to say...??)* > > *someone offering an alternative to working thru shit is not the real answer* I didn’t say *all* that; being an actual organic conversation, it went its own way and adapted to the present moment. But I think it went OK. ish. Lib implied too quickly, easily, that she would quit associating with him if he was making Cel too uncomfortable but instead the next day he sent Cel an “apology” text and apparently it isn’t that simple or easy after all. And now we got the moody drama vibes in the house. Again. compared to when i got scared walking dexter west of holton in my 20s, now i'm slower, weaker, more tired, and... less scared. WHY IS THAT? if yr sad {it} is gonna haunt yr sadness; if yr calm and connected and safe, its gonna burnish yr mellow. be advised and proceed accdngly ![[IMG_0902.jpg|good reminder on the bike trail]] i think i know the difference between 35th st and a rabbit. But, i could be wrong. 080224 talked to lib. went well. feel better tho ⦁ where did you get it, who paid, how did you know it was legit; did you see a doc, planned parenthood, anything? are you 100% sure it worked? are you sure you’re ok, no complications or follow up needed? ⦁ why in first place? condoms? etc? ⦁ your continued attachment? ⦁ cel’s deal with him ⦁ how you didnt think you could come to me; haven’t felt at home, connected, included, etc ⦁ [https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/abortion/the-abortion-pill/what-can-i-expect-after-i-take-the-abortion-pill](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/abortion/the-abortion-pill/what-can-i-expect-after-i-take-the-abortion-pill)  ⦁ teenage boys are dumb AF, so you hafta be extra not dumb