## things I’m worried about but never seem to be able to talk about OK, so you’re starting shit up with him again; getting rides home, asking him to go to Rochambo. And look, what a coincidence: you’re already mad and agitated, because he’s already being ambivalent. WTF did you expect? Why are you doing this to yourself? **Why do you think starting shit up again with the boy who raped you in your sleep is going to make things better?** Let her come home early to get some sleep. Is the insomnia thing really as bad and involuntary as she says? Better mood—even ate supper with us. Talked in MKE. She acknowledged that there’s different states of mind: “It’s really hard to talk to you when I’m like that.” Self awareness is good. Being able to talk at least sometimes without freaking out (me or her) is good. You’re so sensitive to how I/we treat you, but half the time I can barely talk to you without you seeming pissed off, distant, resentful, like it’s such a bother to have to listen to me for 5 seconds. You’re just so fucking bitchy sometimes that it makes me reluctant to even interact with you—but then when something happens and I have to, in some way you don’t like, here comes all the lamentations about feeling isolated and you can’t talk to us and you hate being home. (Sent 031119) I got the feeling you were avoiding talking to me. If that’s about this morning, I just want to say again that I don’t have a problem doing stuff for you, including giving rides sometimes when I can if that’s something that’s needed. I just don’t like feeling taken for granted or taken advantage of. Yes, I’m concerned about you getting rides from Ian; no, I don’t think it’s a good idea; it goes against what you said your plan was before; maybe you didn’t want to hear me say that, but you probably already knew I was thinking it. Anyway, if it’s not my imagination and you are pissed off at me, please try not to just be content to stay that way without talking to me at some point, when you can. Bottom line, I love you and I’m here for you. *im not allowed to get mad at you or even anything that comes close.* If I scold, correct, or express any kind of disapproval that’s anything but totally eye-rolling jokey, you **always** come back with some outburst about how everything is shit for you and you’re treated unfairly and you’re suffering for whatever reason.... I’m not saying you haven’t had some bad shit happen to you or that you don’t have anything hard to deal with. It’s just that that pattern has turned into this: everything is ok as long as everyone is sympathetic to you and doesn’t complain about being taken for granted. But *your* sympathy or even sometimes basic consideration for others is optional. Little things like closing the bathroom door loud, leaving your light on, getting pissy when I ask you to do chores, all the way to outright lying to me about what you’re doing or when you’ll be home. It’s fucking stressful. - Help out around the house; do your part; do for example cat boxes now, not three days later or wait til I give up and do it myself; you do have time if you make time. Be able to handle basic, nonnegotiable stuff like closing the door when you leave. Get up 5 minutes earlier if that’s what it takes. - We need to be more specific about what don’t get home too late means. Establish it, respect it, don’t bullshit it. Don’t use “I don’t get the support I need at home” or “I don’t like being at home” as a last minute excuse to ignore curfew or decide the house rules don’t apply to you, or to neutralize potential consequences. - It’s not always even the “rule” itself that’s the main problem... it’s the weaseling or dishonesty. Sometimes it is the rule though; for instance I can’t be lying awake worrying about when you’re going to be back because you keep changing the rules. I have to be able to function, because multiple people are depending on my income. - “I really can’t talk to any of you about anything right now” feels like it’s coming out of left field, because we do talk sometimes. I really feel like I am there for you and that I make it clear you can come to me with anything and the thing is, sometimes you do. So why all of a sudden when I’m getting on your case about being out late on a school night does this come up? I know that I can’t center this whole thing on my feelings being hurt, which they are. I get that I can’t be everything and everyone to you. I don’t even want to be. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t any rules, boundaries, or limits on behavior. Be happy that your friends are there for you, that they showed up to your band concert. But also relax and let go and trust that you will get to see them again even if you have to say goodnight and get home on time because that’s the deal we made and you respect me too. It doesn’t have to be them vs us. I am totally happy to share the role of being your support. That’s the way it should be. But finding someone new that’s good doesn’t mean the old people are suddenly bad. Just because they’re awesome and they’re making you happy doesn’t mean that I no longer deserve basic consideration. Who knows, maybe sometime next week or next year I might be the one you want or need to talk to again. I’ll always be here for you, so that’s fine. In the meantime though there’s just a basic code of how to treat the other people that you live with. - Another recurring theme is that you feel like expectations of you are too high, and you’re left to figure out everything on your own. Can you help me know which of the things you would most like help with figuring out, so maybe I can help? If there’s just one too many things in your life, you can quit your job. We’ll figure out how to deal with stuff like the phone bill. - You’re sick of drama but the drama follows you everywhere (by your choice). Turn off the phone sometimes. it infiltrates everything you do. What if you could practice the piano nonstop for half an hour without being interrupted by its pull? What if it’s contributing to your feeling of being isolated at home? What if you could change that and see what difference it makes? - Also re the isolation... what if you didn’t take your food and go up to your room so often? Just hang out down here more, even if it’s for a few minutes here and there. - *Would you be willing to have some time with a therapist with millie?*