091019 In your past, you were enchanted. The path was intriguing. That’s how you knew where to go—you just followed the path that seemed to have a magnet in it somehow. There was magic just loose, all around you, in the atmosphere, filtering down through the trees. Mundanity was a fable, a faraway country. To be alive was to be energized, drawn along by gentle powers beyond your control. Presently, you have come to an overlook. It’s beautiful, it’s stunning, but it’s dangerous. A precipitous fall is in front of you. You are almost paralyzed by the lush possibility of everything. Why do you limit yourself? What are you afraid of? The future scares you a little bit, I can see that. The greenery and forests of your youth fall away, and a more austere landscape greets your vision. You aren’t certain what you will find there. You already feel a strange thirst, an unfamiliar heat. Remember: There is life in the desert. As Sherman Alexie said, “Things that are broken are strong. Things that are about to break are stronger still.” Time has been going on long before your past, present, and future. Fear is mammalian. Embrace it. Hold it tight, murmur in its ear, love it, let it love you—and then let it go. After all, what choice do you have? That was all she said. Then our time was up. 090219 Spent so much time repeating my one liners and talking points that i thought made me sound smart. That i thought made me sound like i didn’t think i was trying to sound smart. That I thought people couldn’t tell I was saying because I thought they made me sound smart. Well shit, I wasn’t doing none of that on purpose; I really didn’t know any better, most of the time. For example, telling kids a theme ain’t necessarily a moral. All about how thinking a story has to have a lesson is kid stuff. Grow out of it! Life ain’t like that! Fiction and reality, you know, they’re complex. This ain’t the three little pigs. Except, may be that’s not necessarily so. MAYBE ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY EVERYTHING YOU THINK AIN’T NECSSARILY SO. Like for instance, I’m sitting here with a stiff neck watching the fuckteenth episode of orange is the new black before my netflix trial runs out, and i finally got the lesson; it solidified for me. At least one of them. At least for right now. And it was this: nobody’s unambiguously a goodguy. Everyone lets everyone down sometimes. Everyone’s got some evil in them. And everybody’s weak as fuck sometimes. OK, whatever, I’ll stop now because it sounds so lame and obvious and middle school--but you know what makes it a good lesson? Is when the person that needs to hear it figures it out. Because the story only gives you so much--that is if it’s good storytelling. That’s what good storytelling does. It gives you the lesson but then you got to go out and get the job. Here’s mine: Nobody’s a goodguy all the time. Except you had yourself convinced you were. That’s why the world seemed so out of whack: because you were special and you weren’t getting credit for it. But hey, it doesn’t have to be all bleak. You could also look at the negative space: maybe everybody could be a goodguy at least some of the time? Or at least, maybe you could hold out hope that maybe you could be? At least some of the time? And act accordingly? I guess it’s worth a shot. What the hell else do you have to do?