## don’t say anything 061718 # Don’t say anything unless you have something to say; But can you influence whether or not you’re likely to have anything to say? And if so, would you want to? Like for instance, should you cultivate a certain kind of boredom? Should you train like some kind of athlete? Maybe, but I’m guessing only if there’s a motivation beyond the training. Or maybe there’s not. Maybe actual motivation is self-defining. Either you’re motivated (“driven”) or you’re not; who cares or can really definitively say what is a legitimate ultimate source of that. Is the person who’s muscley because they are driven to work out any less muscley than the person who’s muscley because they’re driven to play a game that requires a lot of strength? And like, you would’nt feel the effects of taking a drug necessarily unless you took the drug, and then if you did you might want to take it some more. That’s a conscious cultivation—at least at first. It’s kind of the dumbed-down version, but it’s sort of the same thing, n’est-ce-pas? It’s sort of the self-centered version. Unless it’s not. Unless you took the drug for some reason that wasn’t ultimately self-centered. Again, hard to say sometimes. Hard to *judge.* Unless it isn’t. Unless you’re one of those people who finds it easy to judge. Which I suspect I am—one of those people—at least in some circumstances. But not in others. And I may not be the best *judge* of which is which. I think I like the idea of trying to get myself into situations that require me to have to have something to say. Reading too much smarty-feely-analysisy-confessiony stuff on the Internet makes me a smarmier writer. There’s things that change what you want and don’t want, and there’s things that affect what you can do about it, too. I’m thinking of Internet and corn syrup, but that’s just off the top of my head. There’s also apps with tweakable settings, and money, and I mean you know, whatever, there’s probably a billion different little interacting factors. Like beach glass. There’s big springs and seeper springs, and probably a whole bunch of other kinds of natural welling from the earth as well. They all have to do with water, though, my brothers and sisters, my cups. You don’t have to be the Ace or the King to be part of the arcana. The water that flows from the hem of the gown of the High Priestess flows through the whole deck. Plus don’t let anyone (yourself) tell you there’s only one motivation or purpose for the cycle of water. Continue this metaphor on your own; it’s too obvious and I don’t have anything else that I *have* to say about it right now. People living in the desert need water too, ya know. They might have to do more work to get less of it, but still.