092218 um er ah well y’see a minute and a half ago the only thing i could think i would be able to write was “oh god i’m so tired” over and over. the butter works. but once i dragged ass out of bed and peed a little and walked thru the loud “living” room where cel and lib are sleeping on the “couches” because they got scared because i showed them that stupid movie, suddenly i don’t even have *that* much to say. i literally got nothin. sitting in the bathroom, the downstairs bathroom with the window cracked, the only window still left open a little (besides the basement one which i completely forgot about) because it got down almost to forty degrees last night, i hear one of my neighbors talking in a normal voice. The only words I can make out are “working,” “working,” and “yeah.” And so there you have it, folks. But so then don’t buy one. I should really make that a pigeon. Hang on a second. Oh, I just realized that the return key and the shift key on this bitch are sticky. Like they don’t pop like the other keys do. And all of a sudden, my brain stops working and all I can think about is do I take it in myself or do I take it to the tech office at school? Really, pressing the return key is like pressing nothing. It still works, but there’s no tactile butterfly feedback at all. It’s just like pushing on a plastic surface there’s the slightest bit of give, and that’s it. The shift key is almost just as bad. I wonder if this is related to when that maniacal barrista at fucking Starbucks flung some kind of jellylike syrup onto it. I mean, it probably is related to that. I hope it’s fucking covered, because that would suck if I ruined this thing. But it goes to show you, even if they have improved these things, they’re still just fucking obnoxiously easy to ruin. Macbook really has become a fucking joke. Apple, once again, as I love to affectionately say, fuck you. I’m just fucking glad I didn’t buy this fucking thing myself. SO like I said, i got nothin to say and i’m bored out of my skull and there’s absolutely no point in doing this this morning, so i should really just quit. quit for good. sleep in. do some volunteer work. something useful. get another job that pays money. come up with a brilliant startup idea. hack something. game the system. invest in stocks. build a rocket. something, anything. be a wildly gifted musician. But no. Instead I sit here and maunderingly self-deprecate so that I can feel good about myself. did you ever notice how i wonder how the warranty thing on this works; see? it’s all i can think about the sdfg sdfg the neighbors are so irritating. the ones to the north, that is. first i gotta listen to that wall-eyed german shepherd bark at nothing for hours, at all hours, and then i gotta hear that developmentally delayed youngest daughter of theirs literally scream and pound through the house so hard it about makes pictures come off the walls in here. whatever. who cares. no one cares. i have the dull, oh-shit-it’s not-a-dream-it’s-real-life sinking feeling when i think about megan and millie’s feud. it’s like a tendril of megan’s heartache unfurled and wrapped around me, and it’s feeding off that instead of whatever it’s feeding off in her. i just want them to love each other and be sisters and be there for each other. it’s so fucking unfair that they lost their mother (for all intents and purposes) and now they’re working on losing each other too. it makes me angry because i can’t fucking do anything about it/ or can’t i? Is there something i could do but I’m just not seeing it? Or am afraid to do it because i hate confrontation so much? Do I need to force the issue again and make them talk to each other? That didn’t go very well at all last time, mostly because megan proved really, really bad at listening. I hope she can get better at that. What do I do to help her get better at that? What do I do to help Millie not be so fucking miserable and up in her head all the time? could use a little help here.