102518 I have so much work to do and I don’t want to do any of it. Those words scrolled across his forehead. He looked in the mirror and could read them as they marched across. I have the bugbear to do: make a google form for the AVID kids to work on their group projects. WHY IN HELL IS THAT SUCH A BIG DEAL!? I’m AVOIDING IT AS IF IT WERE MY PDP THREE YEARS AGO OR SOMETHING! WTF! IT’S JUST ONE FORM! I must be putting some pretty heavy expectations on it. Well, ask yourself the next natural question. *What might one of those expectations be?* asks one kid. *Like what?* asks another. You quietly notice how they both express themselves in totally different ways, but they’re both getting at a common theme. #pdp #nationalconference #AVID #MR Well, let’s see... Hmmmm... aahhhhh.... huuuuuuu... drtdrtrtdrtdrt..... He makes assorted thinking and mouth sounds for about the next 12 hours or so. He gets up to go get some water. He sees something in the kitchen that reminds him of something else and so on his way to the bathroom he sees a yellow raincoat hanging by the door that reminds him of his kids and then he realizes they’ll be home from school soon and that makes him remember the conversation they had this morning which reminds him that he was going to get their laundry out and hang it up but he never did, so he goes down the stairs, but halfway to the basement he remembers that there was something in the kitchen that he was on his way to go do something about, and because he’s thinking about that, by the time he gets to the basement he’s forgotten why he came down there, and you know what? all he’s thinking about right then is that he has to pee. THAT’S WHAT MY BRAIN IS LIKE, FOLKS! Not that that’s anyone else’s problem but mine. Anyway. What was the question? *I wasn’t paying attention,* says one kid, but at least the kid cared enough to ask what the question was, instead of just sullenly slamming the book shut and sitting back, too big in the tiny desk, burly arms folded across flannel chest and shitkickers up on the back of the chair in front of him. The question was, if you’re avoiding the simple task you have to do because you’re putting big expectations on it, then what are those expectations that you are putting on it? (You notice I didn’t just jam “and why” on there; that’s a whole separate question that cannot be answered until the *what* is answered; when teachers just stick “and why” on the end, it’s just lazy. It’s just like, I couldn’t be bothered to separate out the actual questions in an actionable way, because we both know that neither one of us cares about the actual thinking process anyway. This is just a *pseudo-open-ended question.* You don’t have to think about it; you just have to know how many sentences it takes to correctly format the correct answer. #pdp OK, but you’re still stalling. You still haven’t answered the question. That’s because I have a problem with the way the question was asked. Oh really? What’s the problem. You said, “You have a *simple* task to do.” I don’t actually find it that simple. That’s like, the whole point. Right, I can see that. So how would you-- I would say, “Why do you think you’re avoiding the task?” Hmmm... What if I just said, “Because I don’t want to do it.”? Then I would say, “Why don’t you want to do it?” “Because it’s not fun.” “What’s not fun about it?” “Well, it’s confusing.” “Which part is confusing you?” “Well, like, I don’t know how much I have to tell them what to do, and how much I can let them decide. And for the parts that I’m going to let them decide, I don’t know how much I have to explain *how* they should go about deciding. I don’t want them to be like, I don’t get it. I don’t want it to look like I really just no idea what I’m talking about and I’m just throwing out some lame thing and telling them, OK, go ahead. Make it awesome!” “You do want it to be awesome, though?” “Oh yeah!” “What do you think is behind that desire to have it be awesome?” “Well, it’s because I’ve built it up so much already, I feel like. All those excited conversations with AW, the way I’ve presented it to the class as being somehow qualitatively different from all those other lame, fake group projects they’ve done in other class; you know, this one, this one is different somehow. It’s *special.* And the not so hidden subtext underneath all of that is *It’s special because it came from* **me.** “Right. That makes sense.” “So what do I do about it?” “Do about what?” “The fact that the need to have it be totally perfect mixed with the knowledge that it already isn’t is making me just not do it!” “Well, I’m no doctor, but here’s my prescription: - take a bath - masturbate to gay porn - relax a bit - then just open up a document, look over your notes, and just fucking make it before you go on to ANYTHING else on your todo list. “And that’s going to work?” “I have no idea. But it’s better than just spinning your wheels, don’t you think?” “Yes. Yes I do.” “OK then, let’s go.